Meltdown....again
I haven't been on here much lately at all. I have been extremely busy and working extremely hard and I am so tired and I am getting very little home time to just do what I want and everyone else here is free to do whatever they want all day long every day except my youngest who is a very busy senior in high school. It just seems that I am always always busy as of late and so very tired in the evenings that when I do get on here or FB I fall asleep at the keyboard.
I had another meltdown this evening. This was a bad one and my eyes sting and are puffy although I feel a little calmer right now. It's mostly financial and it's very bad news and I don't know if we will make it out of this one without serious consequences. We have been through this before but it is always hard. With H unemployed since Aug we have managed to stay afloat all this time, but now the part time work he had has dried up which amounts to about 100 a week since any income after that just gets deducted from his unemployment. Also, his unemployment ran out and the last submission he made for payment was 300.00 over what he had remaining. He has applied for an extension and gotten it but the extension is payed by a different source and they started with his next submission so the 300.00 is just not gonna get paid. That means we will be 700 short this month. I don't think we will be able to make that up in any way. I work so hard and I am so tired and I am under so much pressure and I am struggling with resentment at being the only person out of 7 adults here who is working. I know they have tried/are trying but it's not happening. There is no way I can make up that kind of short fall and we are gonna fall behind now and there is no way to get back once that happens unless someone else gets a job quickly. I don't really see that happening.
My daughters wedding is in 7 weeks now and although a lot of extra help and donations have been coming in it is still a great pressure. There are a lot of other things happening and a lot of other pressures that I mentioned in another journal entry.
I guess the financial crisis reveal made everything come crashing in on me and I lost hope. I have been praying so much and doing so well and I felt my faith and trust in God was getting so much stronger but I failed this miserably and I am really disappointed in myself but I will give myself a break on this one because sometimes you just gotta let it out, just go ahead and have a good cry.
H is worried too, and that is saying something, and he is feeling like he has really let us down, and my little melt down didn't help anything.
I had a chat with Echifalu, he told me this: "Leave it to God, pray about it and do what you know you can. I am gonna hold on to that.
I had another meltdown this evening. This was a bad one and my eyes sting and are puffy although I feel a little calmer right now. It's mostly financial and it's very bad news and I don't know if we will make it out of this one without serious consequences. We have been through this before but it is always hard. With H unemployed since Aug we have managed to stay afloat all this time, but now the part time work he had has dried up which amounts to about 100 a week since any income after that just gets deducted from his unemployment. Also, his unemployment ran out and the last submission he made for payment was 300.00 over what he had remaining. He has applied for an extension and gotten it but the extension is payed by a different source and they started with his next submission so the 300.00 is just not gonna get paid. That means we will be 700 short this month. I don't think we will be able to make that up in any way. I work so hard and I am so tired and I am under so much pressure and I am struggling with resentment at being the only person out of 7 adults here who is working. I know they have tried/are trying but it's not happening. There is no way I can make up that kind of short fall and we are gonna fall behind now and there is no way to get back once that happens unless someone else gets a job quickly. I don't really see that happening.
My daughters wedding is in 7 weeks now and although a lot of extra help and donations have been coming in it is still a great pressure. There are a lot of other things happening and a lot of other pressures that I mentioned in another journal entry.
I guess the financial crisis reveal made everything come crashing in on me and I lost hope. I have been praying so much and doing so well and I felt my faith and trust in God was getting so much stronger but I failed this miserably and I am really disappointed in myself but I will give myself a break on this one because sometimes you just gotta let it out, just go ahead and have a good cry.
H is worried too, and that is saying something, and he is feeling like he has really let us down, and my little melt down didn't help anything.
I had a chat with Echifalu, he told me this: "Leave it to God, pray about it and do what you know you can. I am gonna hold on to that.
Replies
(((Gabrielle))) I feel your frustration and weariness. You are carrying a heavy load!
Would it be possible for one of the adults in your house to help you with your job? Probably wouldn\'t help with the $$ issue, but at least the physical toll wouldn\'t be as great.