Meltdown

I let myself have a meltdown yesterday. I am nearly ready to have confidence in allowing the meltdowns instead of wasting energy on fighting them. When I allow the meltdowns, I still have the energy reserves to ply therapy tools. When I fight them, I am too exhausted for awareness when the tsunami arrives. I simply sink into self-destruction unless an angel of mercy is there to rescue me and keep me safe from myself.


The meltdown inventory is currently underway. I backspaced over "post-" in front of the "meltdown inventory." The morning inventory is looking good, but however much a psychosis might feel like being run over by a fast moving train, in strictly personal fact, there isnae ever a clear beginning nor a clear ending. Sigh. . . May I please speak with the station manager?


I ate reasonably well yesterday. Nothing to impress a foodite, but I ate and stayed hydrated. Intrusive thoughts continue, but are responding to mindfulness exercises. I slept deeply with lots of dirt dreams. My dirt dreams arenae to be confused with porno dreams. They are the dreams which help me turn the human filth of my child sex trafficking foundation into rich, productive soil in which I can grow a life I am proud to live.


Processing. . .

Replies

Leo
Leo

You said it so well. Thank you. Yes. Allow it, and there's still something left for theraputing (to borrowing your word, if I may). Fight it, and... I have tried to explain to people for a couple of years now, "Just let me have the meltdown," and it's so difficult to explain why.

Dirt is a good dream. The good soil waiting for spring. :-)
arfie
arfie

My articulation skills are nearly inaccessible when I am anywhere near meltdown mode. I feel more able to fly to Mars than answer questions when I am on the brink of psychosis.

"Theraputing" isnae my word. It is a grammatically correct derivative of "therapy." Copyrights unavailable.
Leo
Leo

Yeah. My hubby will say, "use words," and I can't even talk at all, let alone use *words*.

I had not seen a verbing of therapy, though you are correct. "Therapize" would simply make me cringe, I admit. Not to say it's not out there. Neologisms arrive every time someone Twitters or whatevers. HashtagNoThanks...

PUMA PURRS. (Also, my old stomping grounds melt into the Great Lakes St. Lawrence Seaway, so you'll be safe from *that* influx of meltwater. I once stood where if I threw a rock one way, it landed in the St. Lawrence drainage basin, and the other way hit a creek part of the Mississippi basin. It was a cool place to stand. One tree's leaves, blown by wind,c ould end up in both. I wanted to be that tree.)
SwimBack2031
SwimBack2031

Arfie hang in there my friend, I am sorry you experienced such a melt down. Though I have to say I am quite proud of you for eating and staying hydrated during such a time. I struggle with this daily so I know how much of an uphill battle that must be. gentle hugs for you today xx
arfie
arfie

I very literally lived the computer boom from 1971 when I took my first programming class to present. Wrote quite a bit of the early documentation. I have been paid for inventing new words for ^it^. Does that make me a professional word inventor? I was "computing" long before it was in any dictionary. I haven't looked, but I am fairly confident "theraputing" isnae in the approved verbing lists. Strictly personal. Teachers may ply the red pens to their heart's content.

I am still fairly ignorant of the rivers on the Eastern Seaboard. So many rivers and so little time. . . Thank you for the edification of the mighty Saint Lawrence. Respect granted, sight unseen. The mighty Allegheny River and its intricate weave of tributaries is very much part of my research dream here in the River Region. You already know a significant percentage of the crest currently barreling down the Ohio originated there.

My greatest strides with getting the love of my life to understand my psychotic needs came by discussing it with him during my more stable periods. I can't explain much of anything while I am in the throes of a psychotic break.
Leo
Leo

Arfie, wasn't meanign to sound that knowledgeable. It's the waterways of my childhood is all. The Great Lakes/St.Lawrence/Allegheny. Familiarity. (There's a stand of white pine in NCentral PA, btw, not far off the waterways, tha tis well worth the visit. Hearts Content. It's lovely to see trees that, if not cut ever, were at least not cut by European types.) Spring/summer in that region is a lovely cool green thing. But if you get to the Canadian side of it, wear protection against bees. The flies are horrible...

"Theraputing" makes more sense than "Therapizing". And I *am* a word nerd.

:-)

=
arfie
arfie

I doesn't know but I does believe you would have been a tremendous asset in those early word smithing sessions when we were trying to write tech manuals that wouldn't get executive teams running for the safety of their stonewalls.

"Therapizing" gives me images of pie throwing contests. Maybe one where we line our therapists in a row and take turns throwing cream pies at them? Can we let each of them choose the flavor of their preference?
arfie
arfie

I am getting lost in imagery of therapizing, The images are bringing some sorely needed smiles.

The present incarnation is a fundraiser for NAMI. The therapists are bringing the flavors of their preference and paying for the privilege of being therapized. Best NAMI meeting EVER!!! I bought extra admission tickets just to support the cause.

The fundraising banner reads:

Therapize Your Therapist
nancy6464
nancy6464

triple hugs. meltdowns are a tool all in themselves , I think. It appears you are mastering the use of said tool.

I like the pie throwing fantasy ;-) a lot~