Meltdown......

Well, God has given me the amazing ability to detect when someone is about to tell me that they are pregnant.  I assume that it is His way of trying to protect me.  When my best friend came to tell me that she was pregnant- I asked her before she told me.  My college roommate called a few weeks ago on a Saturday morning and was making small talk.  I finally said, "Are you calling to tell me that you are pregnant?"  Her response- maybe.  And then proceeded to complain about how sick she is and how scared she is.  I had little sympathy, as I had just gotten my period the week before and honestly can't handle hearing people complain about puking because they are pregnant.  I would LOVE to be that sick for that reason.  She proceeded to email me the following Monday telling me how disappointed and hurt she was because I wasn't more excited for her and how she needs support now because she got pregnant so easily (the month they went off the pill, which was weeks after they got married)  and is worried that she could lose it just as easy.  I understand that she is worried- but never having been in that situation I don't know what to say to her.  I apologized and told her that I will always be there for her, but there are some things she needs to call and talk about with her other pregnant friends (who she always talks about anyways). 
Yesterday after work my old roommate who is also a teacher at my school and a life long friend, came into my room to chat.  She was telling me how her brother and SIL are having a hard time getting pregnant.  I proceeded to ask her if she had heard anything about how the teacher next door and his wife were doing as far as their trying to get pregnant- they've been trying for two years.  I told my friend Stacy that I was going to go talk with him after to school because I needed to ask him that if/when they got pregnant that he please tell me after school before he told the rest of the staff.  After this discussion I actually went next door to talk to Matt- and he said that he actually wanted to talk with me too.  I looked at him and said, "You guys are pregnant, aren't you?"-  Yeppers!  I nailed it on the head.  I started crying - but you know- he understood and when I apologized for crying- he told me there was no need to.  It amazes me how some people understand and some don't- like my college roommate who has, mind you, listened to me cry for hours on end because of my infertility.
Last night when I got out to the new house my 17 year old cousin who is staying with us for the week got a call from my aunt telling her that her somewhat delinquent brother just got custody of his 2 year old son whom he has never seen up until last week!!  Really?  It was hard enough to learn that his girlfriend was pregnant two years ago, and they weren't sure he was the father.  I had to walk out of the house and just sobbed. 
I feel hopeless and helpless- our paperwork for the foster care/adoption has been in for almost two weeks- and we haven't heard from a caseworker yet-  I can't help but wonder if it got lost in the mail or that I did something wrong with the paperwork.....  We have been trying so hard to get our ducks in a row so that when we get the caseworker's phonecall we have everything ready to go- paperwork, nursery, etc.  I have very mixed feelings about getting the nursery ready, only to then wait for a child.  On a positive note- the carpeting got put in at the new house yesterday and all we need to do is put the closet doors on.  The nursery looks great and I am excited to set everything up.  We are moving the crib and baby stuff that we have over this weekend so that it is ready when the caseworker comes.  They want the room to be ready for a child before we get the foster to adopt license.  We also were told at the initial meeting that we need formula, diapers, clothes, bottles- everything.  God is good, in that the donations are rolling in.  My brother and SIL went through all their baby stuff and have boxes for us.  After talking with a friend at church last week, I got two canisters of formula that don'e expire until February of 2012- so that is covered.  All I need to be ready for the inspection will be diapers.  But again- we will have a complete nursery set up- and then we will have to wait- maybe only weeks, but possibly years......
DH was great last night and just held me.  He kept reminding me that he knows that God has incredible plans for us and that we just have to wait to see what those plans are.  I wish I just had a crystal ball to see when/if we will ever be parents.  If I knew that in a year or two we would be- then this waiting would be so much easier.....