Meltdown
Nonstop crying for a hour or two. Haven't had this bad for the past two months. Why? Why now? My rational brain: Beijing trip interrupting grief; forgetting the medication?; haven't had a major cry for some time. My emotional brain: Cannot imagine but realize that I will have to do without you--- wake up in the morning; eating meals; travelling; feeding Simba; watching TV; going bed; going shopping....---for the rest of my earthly life. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND I MISS YOU SO MUCH BABE. Heaven must have Internet, so I write this down so you can see and feel my LOVE.
Replies
Darling . . I\'m so sorry you are having an unexpected meltdown. Unfortunately, they are par for the course, so no need to ask \"why\". Let it be, and let the tears flow naturally. Let the rational brain take a vacation . . it won\'t serve a good purpose for you right now. As for the emotional brain . . just realize that it\'s just that . . . \"emotional\". When we are emotional, nothing makes much sense. Love your thought on \"heaven must have internet\" . . . made me smile. In my belief, spirit is one with all and doesn\'t need a physical \"connection\", but it does need an open mortal portal. Be open and you will feel her spirit with you. Love endures all and is never unfailing. Hold onto your love and faith. It will see you through this horrid grief process. Promise. Hugs, Dayna
I know your heart hurts....praying for some peaceful rest for you
Hi Tiger....read your journal posts today. I am so sorry for your loss. It seems that once the shock, disbelief, and numbness starts to wear off, we are left really feeling the pain. It\'s part of the process. There\'s no way around grief....only going through it will help you slowly adjust and learn to live your new life. It\'s normal to cry, feel sad, and feel angry. We\'ve all been there. Feeling lost, feeling alone...yes, that\'s all part of it too. Hang in there. It eventually starts to get easier. Not easy...but easier. We will always miss our loved ones so much that it hurts, but we do find a way to live with our loss. Take Care. Keep up with all you are doing on your path to healing. Aloha ~ Lori
You\'re right, your trip to care for your Mom put other things first, because you are also a good son. Now with that duty fulfilled, you have more time to think about you and Yan. So it\'s not surprising that your grief hit you now.
After 9 months I am crying less. The little things that hit me at first are not surprises now, and I have cried through them. Still, I will read something or see something on TV and I cry sometimes. A few days ago after I went to bed I thought about Arlene for a while. I felt deep sadness and loneliness. Not that I don\'t think about her many times a day. But I decided to really think about her, and it was like a focused meditation.
I just wrote a reply to a discussion started by MrsLfromTX about \"Thinking of the years to come is hard.\" I have been thinking about my life, and I came to a philosophical conclusion: I had a life for 20 some years before I met Arlene, then 25 years of marriage, now I am in a 3rd phase of life on my own again without her. So I know I had a life without her before, and she would not want me to be unhappy or unfulfilled without her. Happiness and fulfillment mean different things to everybody. Yan would want you to have a good life. It was a flip of the coin that she she died before you. If it was the other way around, you would want her to have a good life, right?
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Widows_Widowers/forum/20341973-thinking-years
We will get through this together, my friend.