Meltdown
Yesterday I was in Kohl's and really had a meltdown. My sister (who moved to San Antonio) and I made regular visits to Kohl's! She was the leader of shopping, I was the follower. She knew my style, she knew the sales, she brought me clothes, etc. She was definitely a great shopper! And, she would tell me the TRUTH when it came to how things looked on me. She used to say "if you say it looks ok, that is a no. You must say, that looks great!" I smile and cry when I say this. Anyway, as I continued to meander through Kohl's with tears, I then saw the baby section. I have not looked at baby clothes since I found out my daughter was pregnant; big mistake. I think this put me over the top. I started crying uncontrollable and had to leave.
Several months ago, I decided I was pretty judgmental of people/situations and especially myself. Then I read the following. "When you watch our thoughts you become aware that part of you wants one result and another part of you wants another. You feel that you have to choose between these two parts and that brings pressure and conflict.
You move out of conflict by accepting both positions. In other words you accept the positive and the negative thoughts together, without making one "better" than the other. THIS IS A LOVING ACT.
Love always transcends any kind of dualism. LOVE NEVER CHOOSES SIDES. It always accepts the validity of both sides.
You believe that you must choose between right and wrong. But are you or anyone else capable of determining WHAT IS RIGHT OR WHAT IS WRONG. As soon as you think you know, you have lost the thread of truth.
So don't try to choose. You don't know what is truth and what is falsehood. Don't embrace one side and reject the other. Embrace both, or embrace neither. Be neutral and you will meet life on its own terms.The opposite of Love is Judgement.
Practicing this Truth, I embraced my meltdown, I embraced my sadness, I embraced the whole situation and did not judge or label it. I allowed the tears, I allowed the loss I was feeling, I simply allowed.
In meditation this morning, I cried because of how I had honoured myself. How I had supported myself and did not try to stop my experience. I did not judge myself. It felt awesome and I feel better.
I will probably forever miss my sister being near me and am grateful I can visit her. I will probably forever miss my daughter as long as she is estranged from me! And I will continue to cry and feel sad at times as I realize I am missing the pregnancy process with her. I will certainly continue to cry as I think of being estranged from my grandson. BUT, I am NOT judging or labeling this; it just is! I pray to trust there is something BIGGER going on; I pray to remember to surrender and get out of the way. In the meantime, I will CONTINE my movement of not judging myself; which in turn, keeps me from judging others.
Happy Sunday!
Vicki
Several months ago, I decided I was pretty judgmental of people/situations and especially myself. Then I read the following. "When you watch our thoughts you become aware that part of you wants one result and another part of you wants another. You feel that you have to choose between these two parts and that brings pressure and conflict.
You move out of conflict by accepting both positions. In other words you accept the positive and the negative thoughts together, without making one "better" than the other. THIS IS A LOVING ACT.
Love always transcends any kind of dualism. LOVE NEVER CHOOSES SIDES. It always accepts the validity of both sides.
You believe that you must choose between right and wrong. But are you or anyone else capable of determining WHAT IS RIGHT OR WHAT IS WRONG. As soon as you think you know, you have lost the thread of truth.
So don't try to choose. You don't know what is truth and what is falsehood. Don't embrace one side and reject the other. Embrace both, or embrace neither. Be neutral and you will meet life on its own terms.The opposite of Love is Judgement.
Practicing this Truth, I embraced my meltdown, I embraced my sadness, I embraced the whole situation and did not judge or label it. I allowed the tears, I allowed the loss I was feeling, I simply allowed.
In meditation this morning, I cried because of how I had honoured myself. How I had supported myself and did not try to stop my experience. I did not judge myself. It felt awesome and I feel better.
I will probably forever miss my sister being near me and am grateful I can visit her. I will probably forever miss my daughter as long as she is estranged from me! And I will continue to cry and feel sad at times as I realize I am missing the pregnancy process with her. I will certainly continue to cry as I think of being estranged from my grandson. BUT, I am NOT judging or labeling this; it just is! I pray to trust there is something BIGGER going on; I pray to remember to surrender and get out of the way. In the meantime, I will CONTINE my movement of not judging myself; which in turn, keeps me from judging others.
Happy Sunday!
Vicki
Replies
Outstanding processing! Bless you and your spiritual progress, and for sharing your healthy insights with us. Enlightenment!
Thank you.
Hugszzz,
I would say that allowing all the emotions, happy and sad, is the most accepting and enlightened a person could be.
I am sorry you canot be near your sister and daughter right now. That truly hurts. Theynare missing out just as much as you are. xx
Reading your journal was like going through a tunnel with you...travelling through the darkness and back out into the light.
Quite an amazing experience. You have real strength. I\'m reading about \'fear\' right now and you have (or \'are\') looked it in the face (your fears) and come out stronger and accepting. As Rich always says, things will change. It\'s always going to be more about how we deal with situations/our attitude towards them. Can we control other people (even if we want to)? No. Can we stop people from leaving or hurting us? No.
Can we bless them and wish them love? Yes. Can we allow ourselves to feel what\'s inside of us without fear?....I\'m still practising this.
You are such an inspiration to all of us on DS, guiding us through and understanding our blackest days...I was blessed to know you. Your daughter will miss you and come back when she is ready. Love you Vicki xxx
wow is what I have to say. it IS interesting that so many of us had meltdowns at Christmas time. You really are quite an inspiration to me and all of us I am sure...as Rosie says. Thank you for everything you write and share
big, big hugs to you