melancholy II
Lately i have been feeling very blue, very sad. I thought because I began therapy with a new person and the intake questions reviewed my WHOLE life, that maybe revisiting some stuff that i thought i had left behind was the culprit. But now that a week has passed i realize this is not really the case. I believe that in addition to dealing with my husband's addictive behaviors I also have all the routine stresses of daily life like a job i like and am good at( but i don't work for very nice people) I have a son who is well educated but, as many others in this economy, is way under employed and i cannot fix it! I have elderly parents who need more help than I can give right now. I struggle to make ends meet, my dishwasher just broke and the fridge is on the blink. okay you say.....boo hooo for me and i agree ! but sometimes, just sometimes, it would be nice if prince charming could stop moping around being so self centered to think that every glitch in my mood is his fault. or about him or just for a moment think about what would help some one ELSE feel better for one minute.
today i had a moment of great disrespect at work and it really got under my skin, i was feeling sad for my son who is trying so hard to find a decent job so he can move on with an adult life, and of course underlying is the crumbling marriage. so when i removed myself to the woods behind the house for a private moment of self pity, here comes good ole prince charming with arms crossed and a "what the hell is wrong with you now" attitude. i asked for some space explaining that i just felt sad and overwhelmed and did not want to fight or discuss i just needed some comfort, and in the absence of that just some time to cry it out. i got myself sucked into his stupid passive aggressive fake attempt at a mature discussion. damn so mad at myself.
needless to say.......he wants to know why i am still upset about the addiction since we have already talked about it several times???????????????
are you kidding me? we have been "talking about this" over and over for almost forever. In fact, it isn't in the past when there have been two episodes of hidden and/or misused pills in the last week alone. THAT is why i am "still" upset and haven't let it go you moron.
so now he is just moping around the house feeling so sorry for himself because he is an addict and we are not supposed to know it, acknowledge it, or be upset by it. how DARE i make him feel bad about himself......really as my therapist says " these things rarely end well" time to get real and move on.
today i had a moment of great disrespect at work and it really got under my skin, i was feeling sad for my son who is trying so hard to find a decent job so he can move on with an adult life, and of course underlying is the crumbling marriage. so when i removed myself to the woods behind the house for a private moment of self pity, here comes good ole prince charming with arms crossed and a "what the hell is wrong with you now" attitude. i asked for some space explaining that i just felt sad and overwhelmed and did not want to fight or discuss i just needed some comfort, and in the absence of that just some time to cry it out. i got myself sucked into his stupid passive aggressive fake attempt at a mature discussion. damn so mad at myself.
needless to say.......he wants to know why i am still upset about the addiction since we have already talked about it several times???????????????
are you kidding me? we have been "talking about this" over and over for almost forever. In fact, it isn't in the past when there have been two episodes of hidden and/or misused pills in the last week alone. THAT is why i am "still" upset and haven't let it go you moron.
so now he is just moping around the house feeling so sorry for himself because he is an addict and we are not supposed to know it, acknowledge it, or be upset by it. how DARE i make him feel bad about himself......really as my therapist says " these things rarely end well" time to get real and move on.
Replies
You are facing what so many of us are scared of...an addict who isn\'t in recovery and is not willing to talk about it. I\'m sorry it is so bad. I always feel like I can deal with problems at work or at home or with my spouse or with the kids, but when they all hit at once, it is almost too much. Keep taking time away if you need it - maybe drive or something so you can get some peace when you neef it.