meeting
MY X showed up at my daughter's annual IEP meeting at the school yesterday. We three have not been together in so long. We didn't speak, although he exchanged a few words with her, she told me that was enough for her. It was SO peculiar. It was as though a stranger came and sat in. She is our first born, so there were years that it was just the 3 of us- all so close and content. It is good that he wanted to know what her goals were, etc, but he knew very little about her issues, etc. Even when they mentioned getting her therapist together with the school social worker- so they could work together with our daughter, he didn't say anything about wanting to join her for therapy sessions. I just do not understand why HE doesn't understand her feelings and desire to work things out in a controlled environment. He is content to blame their separation on me. I do not think he will ever say to her, "I am sorry to have disappointed you, or for lying to you." or even- "I know it must feel awkward for you because my gf is so close to your age." He has never apologized to me about anything or accepted blame where it was due. I was hoping he would be different for our children, but I expected too much. It breaks my heart because my daughter would like, as she puts it, her "old" dad back- the one she says "never lied, was sometimes there to help, the one who helped buy things for me and take care of me" She feels so cut off because she knows he gives c.s for her sisters but doesn't help with her expenses at all. My daughter says he cares more for the gf and does more for her and spends more money on her. It is true. How do I respond?
Replies
From my personal life experiences back in my mid to late 30s, partially out of frustration and curiosity, I had live-in relationships with a young woman just above my daughters age and another 20+ my senior, dated another older one somewhere in there that period also and the bottom line is it wont work in the long run
An older and more mature man than her typical age group giving her attention and affection really boosts her ego and in turn he can awe her with gifts and going to nice places. Telling her how beautiful she is and other things a woman would enjoy hearing. A younger woman also boasts his ego. Maybe he feels inadequate and unprepared for meeting up with women on his maturity level; which doesnt always correlate with age. Theres a lot of Big Kids out there, which never grow up.
After the lust and mutual admiration of each other fades and he cant keep up with her sexual desires or overall energy level; then this big beautiful castle they built in the sky is going to crash from a lack of fundamental values and common grounds between them. The two older women in my case became too controlling and it all came down to sex and money or a boy toy; their little trophy to trot around to social gatherings.
So once he gets his head out of her ass; hell wake up and notice his children? Youre in my thoughts and prayers. ~D
Sometimes it takes a little time for the dust to settle and the hurt feelings to subside before progress can be made. I hope you and your kids are feeling better about all this. I realize I\'m late in reading this. Hugs.