Meaning

Most everything in my life has had a meaning, what could be the meaning of this is what I wonder.  Maybe this has no meaning, maybe this just happened.  Maybe I write way to much into everything.  My crazy mind, what could it be thinking now.  I have thought up the craziest things.  I have been both an abstract thinker, and a concrete person(I have done some cocrete work, that is a joke).  That is what I have liked about physical labor, it clears your mind from thinking thoughts that otherwise can cloud it up, or it can also help you think thoughts that can be very profound.  It is also very satisfying to be at the end of a project and see your acomplishments.  Cleaning things has been my life, washing cars, cleaning kitchens, vacuuming floors.  If it gets dirty, I have cleaned it.  I bring things back to what I call the Alpha State, the begining.  It is not possible to go back to the beginning, but that is what I try for.  Is that the goal, what does that mean.  It could mean many things.  It makes me think about, "how can we know where were going, if we don't know where we have been".  I am often lost in both past and future, zen is now.  I heard a story once about the zen masters of China that would hit you and them selves with a stick of bambu, the pain would get you back into right now.