Meaness

I call him quite often. Most of the time I just want to talk. Like we used to, even though I know we're not together anymore and he owes me nothing. But I still call him often. Rarely does he answer or have time to talk. It upsets me that he has no time for me. I'm not sure why I'm so upset about this. We shouldn't even be talking. Yet I hate that he's never available for me. I guess because we were together for so many years and he was always there. Last night I read something we'd written to each other. It was the year we were separated, I was in Boston and dating someone else. Back then, he'd tell me he loved me and call me daily. He really wanted me back. I ended up moving from Boston to be with him, and now it's over. I called him again today and he didn't answer. I proceeded to send him a text: Wish you had acted this way when I was in Boston. Maybe I'd be somewhere by now. My point was that why in the world didn't he let me go when I was dating a great guy, and doing something with myself. I know the reason I call him so much is because I don't have a lot going on in my life right now. And I think that in turn makes him not want me back either. This is where it gets twisted. I don't want him back. But I do want him in my life. I guess I'm just trying to keep control of things. Control of him. And it kills me that I'm like this. He replied: that's one of the most f'd up things you've said to me and also another reason I'm not with you because you're f'n rude and mean.I replied: ps. I'm the one who's not with you.He seems to forget I'm the one who left because I'd had enough. Maybe I seem to forget this too sometimes.