Maybe Things Are Looking Up? (please let them be)
Well, today marks the day when exactly a year ago, I found out I had syringomyelia.
*sigh* On a totally separate note.. I'm falling apart from the inside out. Scope today revealed that I have peptic ulcer disease and a fairly large (but benign) mass in my stomach. It was extremely inflamed* and had some pretty brutal lacerations. It was a miracle that I went to the ER for prescription Nexium a couple weeks ago or else I wouldn't have much of a stomach left. So it's some pretty crappy news but I'm just so happy to actually know what it is. It's so great to have a doctor tell you what's wrong instead of implying that it's all in your head..
Appointment wise, Mom has me fixed up. Seeing pain management Monday, a new neurologist Friday (please god let him give me some sort of good news), and the ortho on the 23rd for a bone scan and a consultation about being admitted for intensive physical rehabilitation. I'm honestly really excited about it - I wish I could start now instead of having to wait until marching band season is over. I know I'm going to miss a ton of school but with the insane neuropathy that I've been having its not like I've been making much progress academically as it is. It's going to hurt like hell but I am so ready to do this. I'm sick and tired of putting my life on hold. A year my life.. Almost wasted. I can't deal with this and try to live normally anymore. I need a break. I'm ready to just stop everything and focus on my healing for a few weeks.
But until I get admitted in a month or so, I've got a lot of crap to get through. Academic team tournaments, band competitions, (not to mention my separate piano and horn competitions), homecoming.. And midterms tomorrow. So I should probably head to bed soon.
My best friend who will remain unnamed called me from the psych unit today. I could have cried because I was so happy to talk to her. She's doing better and might even get released this weekend. I feel like we have so much to catch up on..
Anywho. I'm ready to see these new doctors. I'm done with the guessing games, and if I don't get any answers then I'm just going to keep trying. That's all I can do..
*sigh* On a totally separate note.. I'm falling apart from the inside out. Scope today revealed that I have peptic ulcer disease and a fairly large (but benign) mass in my stomach. It was extremely inflamed* and had some pretty brutal lacerations. It was a miracle that I went to the ER for prescription Nexium a couple weeks ago or else I wouldn't have much of a stomach left. So it's some pretty crappy news but I'm just so happy to actually know what it is. It's so great to have a doctor tell you what's wrong instead of implying that it's all in your head..
Appointment wise, Mom has me fixed up. Seeing pain management Monday, a new neurologist Friday (please god let him give me some sort of good news), and the ortho on the 23rd for a bone scan and a consultation about being admitted for intensive physical rehabilitation. I'm honestly really excited about it - I wish I could start now instead of having to wait until marching band season is over. I know I'm going to miss a ton of school but with the insane neuropathy that I've been having its not like I've been making much progress academically as it is. It's going to hurt like hell but I am so ready to do this. I'm sick and tired of putting my life on hold. A year my life.. Almost wasted. I can't deal with this and try to live normally anymore. I need a break. I'm ready to just stop everything and focus on my healing for a few weeks.
But until I get admitted in a month or so, I've got a lot of crap to get through. Academic team tournaments, band competitions, (not to mention my separate piano and horn competitions), homecoming.. And midterms tomorrow. So I should probably head to bed soon.
My best friend who will remain unnamed called me from the psych unit today. I could have cried because I was so happy to talk to her. She's doing better and might even get released this weekend. I feel like we have so much to catch up on..
Anywho. I'm ready to see these new doctors. I'm done with the guessing games, and if I don't get any answers then I'm just going to keep trying. That's all I can do..
Replies
you seem to have a very ful plate along with your Chronic Pain. It hard being in highschool and being able to do all of this. Do you still want to do everything you have been doing or is it causing you more pain. I had to stop playing my beloved flute in 10th grade because my TMJ was so bad I no longer could practice without messing up and couldn\'t stay at the same level. I think there are many more than I know of us who were sick or had other things in which they could not have a normal high school experience. I had anxiety and agoraphobia and although I did get all A\'s except a B+ in Math even though I miss so much. I was a extreme perfectionist.
I not sure by your jornal if you are, but if you are is very difficult to feel good about having to being able to do all those things. Try to do what you can and savor the friends that you have. Quality is the best. I wish that I hadn\'t been sick and taking care of sick people like my parents, who became my children. I wasn\'t able to enjoy what you can of school. I so wish I had been able to go to Prom. I still do. I know I have graduated al while ago but I wish I hadn\'t missed some things. I so sorry that you are having all this pain and serious illnesses and diseases, it really not fair. Just focus on that you actually have adults on your side. I didn\'t have anyone. It hard trying to do stuff when you know you have no one on your side. I am so very sorry for your pain. Just try to have some happiness in the fact you have help with your fight and choice to the best can have in high school as you can. If it going somewhere with friends. don\'t ever be embarrased that if you have to do school anyway different. I get a heavy heart when I hear such young people go through this it just seems not fair. I know how it changed my live and I let it ruin it all. Hold on to all the good times you can. I am so sorry about your friend. She will be better off where she is believe me. I had to go there several times in my past. it helped get my emotional pain dealt with and if she has any pyhical pain it helps both. Your a good friend to care so much about your friend. If I could go back thinks would have had a different attitide even when it was bad, I know it would have made my life so different. Hope you feel better and good luck in the future. if you would like to talke just message me. hugs. Erinn
Some of the things do cause more physical pain but sometimes its worth it to be able to go out and do the things I really like. I\'ve been pacing myself more lately though.. I\'ve had a couple of friends who have also had to stop playing because of TMJ, I can\'t imagine how bad that must be. And I hate that you\'ve had to experience this too but I\'m so glad that you got through it. :)
I\'m the same way with grades; I never make B\'s and totally freak out when I get bad grades. The stress sure doesn\'t help the pain but I\'ve always been a perfectionist and I don\'t think I can change it xD
Thank you so much for the support. (: