Maybe Something on the Horizon?
A few years ago, when my boys started pushing me away they also pushed my mother, their grandmother away and eventually their sister too. We've noticed that my brothers, cousin and a nephew have also pushed us and other women in the family away. It's hard to understand what might be going on with these guys. I have to think that maybe, they want to be over us or in control of us and that it may be an issue with the male ego. I really don't understand it but in the past couple of weeks both of my boys have had contact with my mother and had very positive results. I'm so happy that they had nice visits! I pray that this may be a little breakthrough and that they may be ready to start letting us be a part of their lives again. I'm sure me and my daughter will probably be the last ones they come around for because they are so hardheaded when it comes to us.
The next issue with them is that they and my boyfriend, of almost 7 years, had a falling out and I don't know if they will ever even try to get along. I've told my boyfriend that I will NEVER turn my boys away and that he needs to let go of the past and try to get along, for my sake. He says, "The sooner you realize those boys don't love you, the better off you'll be!" And he says, " I don't want them in our house." How do I handle that stubborn attitude? I've always been a peacemaker and I just can't understand all the hate and resentment. Someone can hurt me and I've forgiven them in 5 minutes. I don't understand how people hold on to grudges so long.
The next issue with them is that they and my boyfriend, of almost 7 years, had a falling out and I don't know if they will ever even try to get along. I've told my boyfriend that I will NEVER turn my boys away and that he needs to let go of the past and try to get along, for my sake. He says, "The sooner you realize those boys don't love you, the better off you'll be!" And he says, " I don't want them in our house." How do I handle that stubborn attitude? I've always been a peacemaker and I just can't understand all the hate and resentment. Someone can hurt me and I've forgiven them in 5 minutes. I don't understand how people hold on to grudges so long.
Replies
Wmsdas, you\'ve got a complex problem for sure with your sons and Boyfriend! Not sure if this is the correct response as I have not been in your shoes myself, but in your shoes my response would have to be to the boyfriend or even my own DH, if you truly love me, then because those boys are of my flesh and bone, it seems to me that it would come natural that if you love me truly, for you to love them too. So if you can\'t love them as I do, I now must ask you to search your heart to be sure you really love me as well?
I do not mean to add to your troubles with my perspective of things here, as I know in any of our EC situations, all of us here are already on overload with the issues and heartaches we are dealing with, but...all the more important that our partners and the people we surround ourselves with are in full support of us and whatever it takes to bring a godly, healthy and permanent reconciliation about with our EC.
Above all, the enemy wants to keep us godly mothers separated from our EC so that he can continue to steal, kill, and destroy them and our family as a whole. The enemy knows if we are so crushed by the loss of our EC that we can barely function, then he gets 2 victories with one war....we are no longer a testimony to the lost or a blessing to the hurting and needy and our children are now hell bent and without our influence to turn them back from destruction.
I try my best to always look at any conflict now with these things in mind, as it helps me to see what is really going on! Getting between you and your EC with this conflict with your boyfriend is a tactic of the enemy to keep you sidelined and no threat and most of all to cut you off from your EC.
My prayer is that the Holy Spirit gives you revelation here and His wisdom in what you need to do to resolve this situation! Guide this dear sister Holy Spirit to Your answers! In Jesus Name, Amen!
Thank you so much. I know it\'s hard being caught in the middle. My boys would be happier if I never had a partner in my life. What they don\'t realize is that I\'m not as young as I used to be. Plus I\'m not able to do normal work anymore, since I had an injury. My boyfriend gives me both companionship and stability that I wouldn\'t have without him. My boyfriend has never been close to his family and he doesn\'t understand why I can\'t just walk away from them. I keep in prayer that they will let the past stay in the past and try to get along, or even if they choose not to talk to each other, don\'t make me suffer because they don\'t like each other. I just wish this whole nightmare was over and I could have my babies back. I miss them so much.
It\'s a fine balance with our significant others sometimes.
Yes, a very fine line!
I Guess I Got \"Stuck\" On Your BF Words That he NEVER Wants Them IN the House. Families Are Complicated ~ I Would Never Tell My Husband That He Could Not Have Any Family Member Over Here. Unless There Are DRUGS Or ABUSE Involved In the History, I Would Never Allow Someone To Tell Me That My Children Were Not Allowed In My Home. He Can Go To His Man Cave, To His Family Home, To The Basement, Garage, Bedroom If He Chooses Not To Interact with Your Children.. No Matter His Place In Your Life, That Decision Is Only Yours To Make Unless For Whatever Reason They Cannot Be Trusted Within The Home. That Just Adds More Fuel To The Fire. More Stress To Your Overloaded Heart.
I think they just all try to control me. My boys and my boyfriend all want me to do as they say. They get angry with me when I do what I feel I need to do myself. My boyfriend knows I\'ve always had my home open to any of my kids, anytime. He was never close to his family at all and doesn\'t understand why I can\'t just walk away from them. I got news for him though, I\'ll never turn away from my kids. They may turn away from me but my door is always open to them and I\'ll always greet them with nothing but love.