Maybe some day but not today
There is guy at work that I have become pretty friendly with. He doesnt really work there but volunteers 1 day a week so I dont see him everyday. We talk alot and get along very well. He knows about Bruce ofcourse seeing I talk about him more than anything else. On a few ocassions this guy has made comments on how much fun we would have if we went out. He said we would probably just laugh and laugh. I just smile because i am thinking,this guy doesnt know me. He sees the old me. The person who always had fun. Who loved her life. That person comes out,during our conversations. Its easy to have fun and laugh again when its for a short period of time. He doesnt know the new me. The person who is sad and lonely, not lonely for a new man but lonely for the one she lost. The one who she has pains in her heart so bad for. The one she cant get over. She thinks of him, her lost love so much that the sadness lingers. She doesnt really want to find love again.She's too much in love with her husband. Well yesterday this guy asked if he could take me out to dinner for my birthday. I lied and told him I had to work. I dont want to date. I love Bruce and although he's gone my heart still belongs to him. How fair would it be to any other man to not be able to commit myself to him. I know its only a dinner date but no thanks. I cant even go a full week without having at least one day that I am so emotional that I cant think straight. I think of Bruce daily.hourly. At times the thoughts of me seeing him take his last breath haunts me and all I can do is cry and try to push that horrible sight out of my head. Its hard for me to let my own family know that I am still in that bad place. I have been denying it myself for months. How can I put that on a new man. Maybe some day but not today.
Replies
You are so smart to REALIZE that it is not time yet. As lonely as it can be, we need to find \"ourselves\" first, before thinking about opening up to anyone else. I probably would just let him know that it would NOT be fair to either him or yourself to think of a relationship right now. There are things in your life that need to be addressed first. I am like you, I cannot imagine being with anyone right now. I know it is great to be able to have those conversations with others, to NOT feel so alone, but I also know that I cannot cover up those issues with someone else right now. Listen to your heart my friend, it will let YOU know when it is time... Yes, maybe someday.... Hugs, Alice
I think you made the right decision. It wouldn\'t be fair to the guy. Maybe some day but not today...Have a gentle day...Hugs, Ann
I feel so lonely sometimes I wish I could just date but then it makes me sad and I cry. I put on that happy cheerful face for everyone no one knows how much I am dying inside. You are brave to face how you feel and know you are not ready. I am still IN love with my husband also. Hugs!!!
I am so with you in all of what you wrote in your journal. Your feeling\'s reflect mine to the tee.
Not to long ago I had a friend of my husband ask, not for himself but another friend of my husband if he could have my phone number because he wanted to ask me out on a date.. At first I could do noting but laugh, I thought it to be very childish, but then I got upset. hurt and angry.
They all know how much I still cry for and miss Jesse. They know that my love for Jesse is stronger than ever. So my answer was NO, BUT NO WAY!!!! and that took them aback. I told them that if I was ever interested, (which I\'m not) in dating again that it certainly would not be with my husbands friends. I also told them that if they really cherished the friendship they had with my husband and the friendship they have with me being their friends widow that they would respect my decision.
They way I am still feeling and hurting it would not be fair to enter into anykind of relationship with another man.
For two years I have been crying for Jesse. I still find myself waiting for him to walk through the front door, I\'m still waiting for his phone call to hear those lovely three words \" I LOVE YOU\", that I miss hearing.
The laugher, the smiles, it\'s all an act. I just can\'t bring myself to let my children or my family know that at times I just want to give up....
Like you, the night Jesse died still haunts me. Seeing him take his last breath and me not being able to do anything, not able to hold him crushes my heart and all I can do is cry and yell \"WHY GOD, WHY\".
I don\'t know what God has in store for me, but for right now it does not include me having another man in my life. God knows how much I am lonely, how much I miss being hugged and kissed but he also knows just how much I still love my husband and just how much I am looking forward to the day he unites us once again.. My Heart still belongs to my husband Jesse.......
Like you said: Maybe Someday But Not Today!!!!
Stella
Lori, You are a sensible and sensitvive woman. You may someday be realy to date, but you are the one that bwill know. There si no rush, T+You are doing fine just like you are and you do not need to rush into anything. People seem to try to rush you back out there into the ocean with all tha sharks, Take your time, you are a smart woman too, and you are goiung to do just fine,Love Peggy