Maybe some day but not today

There is guy at work that I have become pretty friendly with. He doesnt really work there but volunteers 1 day a week so I dont see him everyday. We talk alot and get along very well. He knows about Bruce ofcourse seeing I talk about him more than anything else. On a few ocassions this guy has made comments on how much fun we would have if we went out. He said we would probably just laugh and laugh. I just smile because i am thinking,this guy doesnt know me. He sees the old me. The person who always had fun. Who loved her life. That person comes out,during our conversations. Its easy to have fun and laugh again when its for a short period of time. He doesnt know the new me. The person who is sad and lonely, not lonely for a new man but lonely for the one she lost. The one who she has pains in her heart so bad for. The one she cant get over. She thinks of him, her lost love so much that the sadness lingers. She doesnt really want to find love again.She's too much in love with her husband. Well yesterday this guy asked if he could take me out to dinner for my birthday. I lied and told him I had to work. I dont want to date. I love Bruce and although he's gone my heart still belongs to him. How fair would it be to any other man to not be able to commit myself to him. I know its only a dinner date but no thanks. I cant even go a full week without having at least one day that I am so emotional that I cant think straight. I think of Bruce daily.hourly. At times the thoughts of me seeing him take his last breath haunts me and all I can do is cry and try to push that horrible sight out of my head. Its hard for me to let my own family know that I am still in that bad place. I have been denying it myself for months. How can I put that on a new man. Maybe some day but not today.