Maybe it is me!
Maybe there is some defect in me. Maybe I am not the good person I think I am. If I were how would I be 47 years old and feel like no one in the world gives a fuck about me (othr than the wonderful total strangers, I have met on here, maybe that is because you don't really know me).I have had a really shitty week. I got offered a new wonderful job that could save my home for me and my kids. I wasn't even looking it just got put in my lap. I of course thanked God. I even get a big signon bonus to get everything caught up. I should be so happy. I have worked with the people I work with off and on for over ten years. I thought they loved me. They have been through my divorce and Tony with me, They have seen me struggle being a single parent two two teens and worry about bills, etc... So you would think that when it came time for me to tell them about my blessing and offer to give them as much as a month to find a replacement they would be happy for me and wish me well. Instead they are acting like I may be asked to leave as soon as I turn in my offical notice just so that won't have to pay me for Thanksgiving holiday! WTF!!! I love you guys too!I guess I fucked them over somewhere along the line??? I only came in to help on every vacation I have taken or stayed on the phone on my dime everytime I took a sick day, which was almost never unless the kids needed me! I have gone above and beyond and considered these people my friends.Then I had the whole Tony moving a girl and her kids into "our" home thing on top of that.I had the only fun date I have had in two years dismiss me because I am a big girl, whatever. More to love dumbass. He wasn't so damn perfect, in fact a bit skinny!!It must be something I give off or my personality or something? After 47 years not one person that is not blood, loves me? Not one? WTF!! I love a few even now, even though they have run right over me so why am I so damn unworthy??I like me. I think I am pretty and smart and honest and very kind to people. I truely care about people why don't any of them return the favor?It makes you want to just give up and stay in bed. No one can hurt or reject you there!I keep trying to believe. I spout positive shit and I do my best to believe and live it but it always comes down to, no one gives a shit about me! What the fuck is wrong with me?? It can't be all of them! I have met a lot of fucking people in 47 years and to not have even one that gives a shit?? I has to be me! They can't all be just hateful or wrong!I wish I could fix whatever it is. I wish I kenw what it was.
Replies
WE love you, happy!
oh honey they are mad at work about you leaving because you are needed wanted and you get the job done. Trust me thats how they acted toward me when I told them I might want to look for a job overseas. They looked like lost hurt puppy dogs and then they looked rabbid. That just means they know they are screwed and wont be able to replace. Now as for the fucktard (pardon my language) that you had a nice date with. F U buddy your just too damn skinny and you need to eat. Nobody likes a bumpy lay. As for Tony, honey he is simply trying to fill a void that he has now that he no longer has you to fall back on. He fills worthless and as well he should because from what I gather he is. Hang in there remember we are independent strong intelligent woman and one day we will reap our just rewards and get the life we have been looking for.
Coming from me you\'ll probably nod your head and say \"yeah, sure San\" but - YOU ARE ONLY AS GOOD AS YOU THINK YOU ARE. What do you care what your old co-workers are thinking about you\'re leaving? They\'re probably jealous of your new opportunity. Co-workers are ONLY that - co-workers. They don\'t care, they pretend to so that they can get every last bit of you at work, but in the end - you will be replaced. I know that you do not love yourself - I hear it in your voice all the time. Start with yourself - fall in love with yourself - the rest will fall into place... we should talk - San
I just read your journal entries. Don\'t be so hard on yourself. this old world is a mess in more ways than 1. I just retired a year ago from a job I held for 15 years. Only 2 people have called me out of 135 employees. I have wrote to the HR manager, who I thought was my best friend, in management, and she has never answered me or called. this is the way the world is today. the world doesn\'t show the love and compassion for others like they used to when you and I were growing up. You said in one f your entries that you have 2 wonderful kids, a nice home, and how truly fortunate you are. Focus on that. Tell your kids you love them everyday. Listen with your heart when they talk to you. I lost my 37 year old son 3 years ago. I know pain, hurt, loneliness, anger, hostility, and in my biker days retaliation and revenge. I believe there will come a time in your live when you will meet that special one. Give yourself time, do what you have to in the meantime but, don\'t ever give up. Learn to focus on your positives. You have a beautiful daughter who needs you moreso now that ever being she is a teenager. I raised 5 kids, 3 sons and 2 daughters. I have 10 grandchildren now. Even though I have been through what I have in my past, I am enjoying wonderful blessings now.
If we\'ve never been through the valley, we can\'t truly enjoy the mountaintops.
Sincerely,
oldbiker