Maybe ...

I visited with my mother this past weekend. 

I waited until we were alone.

I told her that I had something to say to her and that I needed her to be quiet.

I told her that she has always been mean to me.  The things she has said to me over the years have hurt me and damaged me.  

I told her that I didn't need to hear anything; that I know she did the best with what she was given herself.

I told her not to apologize, because my speaking up for myself has nothing to do with whether she's sorry or not.

I told her that I hated her for a very long time and didn't know how to reconcile that for myself.

I told her that I no longer hate her.  I'm no longer angry.  That I don't need others to hate her or leave her alone.

I told her that I forgive her.

I told her that she's going to die one day, that I'm going to die one day, and that we need to deal with this, once and for all, before it's too late.

She told me that she has always felt that she had failed me.  That her own feelings changed the way she was with me.  She told me that knows how she has hurt me and she will do her best not to hurt me anymore. 

We may not have it all dealt with and there may be times when old behaviours come up, but I feel more confident and competent in dealing with her and our relationship.  I'll keep sharing as time goes on, and hopefully things will only get better.