may 2nd.............

so i'm gonna see a dietitan on may 2nd....that's next thursday....i'm really scared....i'm worried that she's gonna make me start eating again....i can't!!!!!! i know i sound silly, but if i start eating again i'll gain weight....i wanna LOSE weight!!!!!!!! i know that that's irrational thinking, but this is the only way where i know i can lose weight....my friend made me make a griled cheese yesterday after work and then i had to send her a picture of it and eat it and after i did, i had the WORST stomach ache IN MY LIFE.....and it's still a little upset today....i wanna be angry at her for making me eat....she said one day, she'll just drop by unannounced and stay to make sure to eat....but i don't want her to!!!!!!!! this is MY thing!!!!! this is MY choice and in MY control!!!!!!!!!! i don't wanna be mad at her, but i want her to stop taking my control away from me!!!!!! this is for ME....my endocrinologist said that i hafta lose weight anyway, so i can do it this way...she never said that i had to lose it a specific way....my head is killing me...i mean i've had a headache for a few days now and nothing is helping it....i think it's from stress....that's what happens to me...when i get stressed-like REALLY stressed-i get really bad headaches and then nothing makes it better....oh well...