May 26, 2022

I will never forget my trip to ct. I had so much fun and relaxing from all the trauma back home. But I have to find out what caused my dilemma on May 15th, but I did stop taking the Spiro lactone in hopes of that was the culprit. So far after going on two weeks I have been feeling pretty good so far. I was able to go back to work and both doctors wanted me to get blood work done and I had to schedual appointments to get an ex-ray done and a 48 hour heart monitor hooked up to me to check on my heart I hope that I am past the episode I had on May 15th and that my heart is ok. In the mean time I am back working on getting my marriage license so I can file for the divorce and I do have the money order set aside but I am going to have to try to figure out how to change the pay to order. I have to go to the court to file a petition to get the information of the license and get copies to move forward with the divorce. I still have issues with myself that I still love her and I don't want to do this but I have come to conclusion that in order for me to move on I must do this. The last time I have spoken to her, all I am getting from her is bad news about her heart which saddens me to hear it, I just hope that the doctors will be able to stabilize her heart. I have told her about my situation and she hopes the best for me, but I just wish it will end as I keep on thinking about it because I am getting tired of all the bad news as my body is fighting back but not in a good way, Between all the medical bills piling up and living off the credit cards and now getting smacked with a $400 bill on my credit card for the hotel stay increased the balance on the card I am hoping to get it paid off before sept and the rest of my cards to get them all below 30%. I am still waiting for my felony charge to be removed so I may find a better job. I am working on getting a home of my own and I am hoping that these programs will help me get a grant for a down payment. But I am going to have to get my credit card balance down to zero, also the medical bills as well. I still haven't gotten a revised bill from Temple yet and for the revision surgery I am going to wait till the fall to get that done, I am still thinking on getting my breast augmentation done so far my doctors forgot to write the letters and I received one of them, just waiting for one from KC so I can send it to the insurance company to get them to reconsider. I am still sitting on the fence about my breasts, I still having difficulties deciding  weather to get it done or not. Its hard for me to decide. I do and then I don't but I still have time… I am always thinking about Merle and my kids on how I miss them very much. Trying to figure out what I have done to make Katlin not to talk to me or even see me. It was hard for me Saturday May 14th not to see her get married and maybe that caused me to collapse at work the next day that my body wanted to shut down, I wished it did so I don't have to feel the pain anymore. I am tired of crying pretty much all the time and feeling the pain.