May 21, 2010 What constitutes a friendship....
I have been asked recently, What consistututes a friendship based on communication? Is communication based on one sided or should it be shared by 2 individuals. A friend I chatted with started asking me "why I don't ask questions?" I started to ask questions but it wasn't good enough questions. Of course, I went off on a tangent - like I sometimes do (I am not perfect).
Ok, I am not perfect in every way. I like to be a decent person who likes to converse with an individual. Do I have to "ASK" questions to have a converstation with that person, No! Conversing with someone just has to be natural. Like, how was your day? What did you do today? thats what you need to do. then you go from there. I should not have been dictatated as to how the conversation should go. Its not fair or right!
I am very upset right now and felt this person has hurt me. Maybe DS isn't the place for me after all and I need to get away. We are all human and my conversations with this person is not "one sided". He/She needs manners in friendship and what it means to him/her. I was a friend and I thought they were too.
Ok, I am not perfect in every way. I like to be a decent person who likes to converse with an individual. Do I have to "ASK" questions to have a converstation with that person, No! Conversing with someone just has to be natural. Like, how was your day? What did you do today? thats what you need to do. then you go from there. I should not have been dictatated as to how the conversation should go. Its not fair or right!
I am very upset right now and felt this person has hurt me. Maybe DS isn't the place for me after all and I need to get away. We are all human and my conversations with this person is not "one sided". He/She needs manners in friendship and what it means to him/her. I was a friend and I thought they were too.
Replies
The hardest thing to remember is - \"it is not about you.\" This inter-change was about what he/she needed at this moment. If the questions weren\'t the right questions, why did they need to be asked? There was something they wanted to say and were hoping your questioning would bring it out. My response would have been, \"say what YOU want to say, but I\'m not playing the \"drag it out of you with questions game.\"
hugs!!!
Thank you so much mgs. It was kinda frustrating chatting with this person last night. Hopefully I will get some sort of appology for it. At this point, I am not expecting anything. Its a shame, thought this person was my good friend. The way you converse with someone in a chat, on the phone and in person are 3 different things.
I think mgs hit it right on the head...this friend of yours might have said \"there\'s something I\'d like to talk about\"....but if they have an agenda, it isn\'t your fault that you didn\'t pick up the signals right away....especially online!! It isn\'t like you could see them crying or something. You don\'t go anywhere....same thing you told me!!
I value our talks, and yes, conversations have a flow...they can move in different directions naturally...don\'t feel bad....this wasn\'t your fault or even anything you\'ve done wrong!
For all those interested, I am this awful friend. We are all here on DS for support and I just needed someone to lean on last night. I became a little frustrated tika wouldn\'t listen to me and tried to ask her in a diplomatic was to pay me a little attention.
I\'m fine now. I\'ve said all I need to say and will get my support elsewhere. Your conversation style doesn\'t have to change a bit Tika.
WOW! I agree with whats been said here and it breaks my heart to see anyone on here hurt. That being said, if someone one wants to be heard, speak up. I agree with wdspirit1- being online, email, and txt is a hard way to communicate and we can\'t fault someone for not being able to \"sense\" when somethings wrong. We come here to voice our feelings be it frustration, anger, fear, happiness and joy. it works both ways too... you can\'t sign into here looking to vent if you don\'t speak up... and its unfair to get mad at someone when we aren\'t getting what we need. Again... speak up.
I don\'t blame either party... it is clearly a lack of commuincation in a since. One was commuincating just fine and the other party wasn\'t commuincating enough...
There has been some misunderstanding here obviously. I was not baiting Tika to figure out what I wanted from her. If any of you have seen me on the boards you know I ask plenty of questions.
As a matter of fact, I start a conversation about what was concerning me last night in a chat. As soon as I brought up the issue at hand tika became upset and shut the chat down on me.
This was starting to me as we\'ve been friends for weeks and never had a cross word. It was a bit upsetting she\'d all of a sudden assume I was out to hurt her.
It comes with the territory here I suppose.
...I also wanted to add this really was not an \"issue\" for me. I was simply curious about her conversation style and a bit annoyed at one particular habit I wanted to address with her. There was no anger, aggressive tone, cursing or anything like that from my side.
...and I\'m mortified this was made into such a big, public issue!
There should be two. Communication is very important to get an understanding of a person. You don\'t have to answer questions, just talk things out. Questions come up naturally I think. So sorry this person hurt you so much. I hope you feel better. Hugs
Yes, it really wasn\'t about the questions.
goldfish, this is not the place for a public discussion. this is tika\'s private journal that her friends have been invited to share, and if they want to, comment. she was venting about a problem, and you have taken it personally...again, this is not the place for this type of discussion.
LOL. I guess you missed the revelation wdspirit.
i think the good thing is that this got put out there and discussed. one of the things i love about this place is the chance to work on so many aspects of relationships, including resolving disagreements (or not) and moving on regardless. no relationship, like no person, is perfect, and there are days when we just aren\'t on the same page. i think the fall out and how we deal with it is always a great chance to learn.
thanks scott, the person I was referring to has moved on and no longer on my \"circle of friends\" i appreciate you and what you have to offer to me on DS. Your a true friend. Thanks!!