May 2018-2021

old journals 

This was the last year I wrote in 2018 then it skips to 2021 I will  try to  find my older journals dated back then or I will try to remember what went on between September  2018 to 2019-and 2020 besides this fucking virus that destroyed us then.

I was almost in love almost almost. But now. I just don't know fucking scammers

September 15, 2018

Okay so I am talking to this guy. He is on Instagram I got a account maybe three weeks ago maybe less not sure. Put a really kicking photo up I am not bad looking just feel ugly because no guy around my off line world seems interested in me. I would put a picture up hear but I always get a error message . Okay I am talking to this guy from Texas I made sure he was not a scammer first and foremost there everywhere jerks. and he seems nice enough works like all the time like me has a infant daughter that is staying with his mom because he is never home. I guess its a good business but business is slowing so in a month he is heading over seas he is in to building, and construction He is kind of of cute he is real tall white and fairly nice I mean all the way nice. I date any guy that is into me like I am into him not picky, anyway we talk and talk and sometimes we talk so much and other times he seems busy ,and I do not hear from him all day till almost late,          He finally text me via phone just today we were talking on Instagram. I mean I met him I don't know last week. .was it? He said somethings that makes me all awe inside other times just I don't know like he would rather be doing something else maybe it is just me I am use to being rejected? After he gets back from working over seas he wants to see me...why ..I mean I can see why. I guess but I am not use to guys wanted to see me soon. does that mean they really like me.. or they just want to get their rocks off and then I never hear from them again the awe moment is when I told him in no way shape or form can I have any more babies... I mean I probably could but I don't want to chance that plus I am 46 no babies baby factory is closed. He said we can get a dog awe moment right? or just saying that? Today the way we were talking i almost felt something like love just a little bit but then he said something else can't recall it just now, but it made my heart do the backing up real quick like wait wait wait so i don't know. he admits to talking to other people but he said not about a relationship like he talks to me about. okay but most of the people you follow are women pretty pretty women so what do you talk about he didn't offer me a what I didn't ask..i mean guys talking to beautiful sexy women come on really. so i was almost there but that shut my heart down faster then anything else. Another thing he tells me love you and lots of kiss emojis and all that on Instagram. on my phone barely a kissy emoji no love mentioned and he was busy for a whole four hours before he answered me at 11 at night . disappointing. I am glad i didn't go to the love point i almost fucked up by feeling anything like love for this guy i like him a lot but i think it may not be meant to be as much as that hurts to say that . I wish there was no such thing as Facebook ,or Instagram, or anything online related. i would of rather met him on a real street and in person then i wouldn't know he was talking to at least 200 other women god i am a dumb ass he can't be interested in just me. i know it. fucked again by the heart.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I work at a Fairfield inn by Marriott now for 2 years now ...

May 4, 2021

There is so much that has happened since I started writing hear maybe 2008 I believe there is a lot to tell but right now current information.
I hate cleaning up after these nasty dirty tourist just talking about the dirty, and rude ones. I was attempting to quit my job and head to Arizona my oldest brother lives in Phoenix Arizona. I never been to Arizona, but would like to see it. I got a raise eleven dollars a hour so that is why I am staying for the mean time until I get the rounds of stimulus payments the government is suppose to give us. I got laid off May 15 2020 when this stupid virus brought the world to a standstill. I got unemployment finally around August 2020 took forever. The Florida unemployment web site crashed several hundred times alone with other state unemployment web sites because everyone lost their jobs instantaneously. Everyone was shut down, every one was in despair. It was the worst thing that has happened to the world since I don't know when. This year 2021 it has gotten better somewhat we got a vaccine for it some people are experiencing bad side effects some are not as bad, but I don't know the entire results. The people are going crazy the stress is attacking people's mind, body. Then we have the mass shootings hear and there I think more so now. and so many terrible terrible people hurting kids killing kids abusing the kids in a terrible terrible way then human trafficking just has gotten completely out of hand. It makes me personally want to go off grid with my kids and fuck society and then the crap their teaching them god awful subjects and everyone is scared to death of certain people because now a days you can not say anything with out people jumping all over your ass online, and off. Not to mention all the fucking Karen's and kens bitching and complaining and asking to speak to your supervisor then the mask police harassing's you if you do not wear a mask and then the non mask police who claim covid 19 is all a fairy tale and yell at you for being sheep. So your damn if you do and damn if you don't. Why don't people mind their own business stop sticking your nose in people's behaviors and just concentrate on your own very rude behavior. If anything the news media is further separating races and people from people because people getting along together is not a news story. Vultures all of them. There is simply no media sources with integrity any more and if their were I have not heard of them. and god awful we got a imbecile as president say what you want but the guy is out of his head with dementia and he is a dirty old man who like the news media is encouraging hate and anger in the country. If you pick a president at least get one that isn't suffering from one either Alzheimer's, or two Dementia get someone of the right mental capacity this guy just does not have it.