May 18th,2008

I realized today that my beloved brother Frank is dead and there is nothing that noone can do for me here.I realize that I will hear his voice and i also realize that this situation is hopeless.I learned about death early from the nuns in St.Annes from 1954 to 1962..it was a wonderful education and i still read the paper and two books a week,but all of the teachings that I have had nothing has prepared me for two things.I did not prepare for this..What happens to you and your dreams when they get shattered? What happens to you and your dreams when everyone that you have loved is gone? What will happen to you? I do not love Brad anymore and I am in a lot of pain.I began to fall out of love with him when he heard that one night affair with the exotic dancer.And to make matters worse,he brought her home to the house.He brought her home regardless of my feelings and I just cannot forgive him.I do not love him anymore and i realize that I never did.The greatest love of my life is gone and he will never be replacedLets stop all this talk about being married.SOme of the married people that are here ,well they are miserable and who wants this?In fact,guys..marriage is better for you,because is all about you.We do just about everything for you and this is what you want.You want us to be just like your mother and that is all some of you have.He has got a mother complex and he could get help with this.I am not responbsilbe for his social life and he does  not like anything that I do.Why should I give up my foods and things that I like just because he does not like it? Because like all of the seattle men here..they do not make an effort to do so.They do not make any effort to come out of their shells.And if we do do break up..I refuse to get involved with anyone again.I refuse.I do not want it and why ?Because there are so many things to do in seattle..I do not need a love starved and sick person who does not like crowds and such on my arm.So shy guys..do me a favor-grow up! The world is not against you.It is you! You have to realize this--some women just do not want to be married and live in a small town.I happen to be one of them and wanting more in life is not bad.I do not have any children and I am able to spend a lot of my time doing the things that I like.And anyone who thinks that they can hang with me because they are retired and there children are gone..I am telling you--grow up and get into reality! This will never happen.You had 40 years to pursue a friendship.Remember this!I will be nice to you at the coffee house and that will be it.And when I finish reading the paper and drinking my coffee-I am gone for the day and you just cannot come with me.You should have thought of this.Now it is my turn.Grow up!