Mass intentions for James

Today, at mass the mass intentions was for James.  I took a Xanax before I went so I handled it OK.  It's just so hard to believe that it has been three months since his mass of the angels.I just miss him so much and keep searching for a reason that he became an angel.  His mass of the angels was so beautiful that it inspired a few people to return to the church, but that isn't helping me grieve any less.  I keep missing him more and more.  Tomorrow, my great-niece Addison wil be dedicated to the church.  They are Baptist.  I guess, I'll take another Xanax to get through that with tears.  Also, had a dream about James, but that I can't remember anything about the dream which is odd.