March 17
Today is St. Patrick's day, but just another day without you sweetheart. I just can't find anything to smile about. Had to go to the hospital today to sign a release form for the COD form and broke down in the office. I just feel drained of emotion except for grief. My friends are telling me to be strong but I don't know how. I just nod and say ok.
I was strong for my mom and sister when my dad passed away last year. I kept the tears at bay so they would have someone strong to lean on and do what had to be done, but when it comes to you I feel completely defeated. I just can't believe how empty and hollow I feel. I'm not lonely for anyone's company, just you. I miss you so much. It still hurts more than I could ever imagine and I still dread waking in the morning because it's a new day to go through without you. I keep to myself as much as I can because I just don't have the patience to deal with people right now. I know they mean well but I'm tired of sympathy speeches and people who have no concept of losing anyone telling me how to get through my day and what I need to do to get on with my life. Without you to smile at me and hold onto, even giving me heck for something that made us both laugh I can't seem to get a grip on things. I'm still detached from everything and everyone except the kids.
I took mara for a walk this afternoon and just wound up walking without thinking. I wasn't paying attention to the time or the distance and eventually wound up back home but I don't remember what streets we were on and mara was pretty tired when we got back.The snow is melting and soon it'll be time to start hiking in the woods like we always did. Now it's just mara and me and that brings on another wave when I think of you not walking beside me.
I need to tell you things and I need you to be there and I can't stand looking at everything in our house that I bought because you liked it or we bought together because your taste was always better than mine. I don't know if it should be getting easier now but sweetheart it's not.
I love you always babe,
Mike
I was strong for my mom and sister when my dad passed away last year. I kept the tears at bay so they would have someone strong to lean on and do what had to be done, but when it comes to you I feel completely defeated. I just can't believe how empty and hollow I feel. I'm not lonely for anyone's company, just you. I miss you so much. It still hurts more than I could ever imagine and I still dread waking in the morning because it's a new day to go through without you. I keep to myself as much as I can because I just don't have the patience to deal with people right now. I know they mean well but I'm tired of sympathy speeches and people who have no concept of losing anyone telling me how to get through my day and what I need to do to get on with my life. Without you to smile at me and hold onto, even giving me heck for something that made us both laugh I can't seem to get a grip on things. I'm still detached from everything and everyone except the kids.
I took mara for a walk this afternoon and just wound up walking without thinking. I wasn't paying attention to the time or the distance and eventually wound up back home but I don't remember what streets we were on and mara was pretty tired when we got back.The snow is melting and soon it'll be time to start hiking in the woods like we always did. Now it's just mara and me and that brings on another wave when I think of you not walking beside me.
I need to tell you things and I need you to be there and I can't stand looking at everything in our house that I bought because you liked it or we bought together because your taste was always better than mine. I don't know if it should be getting easier now but sweetheart it's not.
I love you always babe,
Mike
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