March Winds!
Good Morning, I started this as a reply to a message sent me and realized that I needed to journal, So:
Another rough weekend mentally. Wife is blaming me for the divorce, saying that all of a sudden I was the one who wanted to destroy her life. How she was giving up everything to make me happy. When I asked her about how she would not go to counseling with me and how she was the one who withdrew after Christmas and told me “You Know We Are Going Through With This!”, “We need to find a lawyer”. Then after our anniversary in January, that I spent alone, I asked her again where we were at and where we were headed she stated “It will never be more than it is”, “What has changed, Nothing!”. So I filed and now she says that I did it out of the blue! How I am forcing her to stay in a job that she hates because she is too old to start anything else. How I had taken away her confidence when we married and had to move because of my job. (She is doing the same job now, just different place)
She also was upset and ridiculed me for telling my family that we are divorcing. She said that it was none of their business. That she could not understand why I felt the need to tell them. And that she did not plan on telling any of her family.
And also she has asked me at least every other day if I had heard from the lawyer about the property division settlement (He should be getting with me today). I am confused!
I know this will be the best thing for both of us, but I am ready to walk forward. Ready to have hope of a future. I will always love my wife. I will always look at her as a woman I desire, but I never want to have to wonder if I have to duck and run when I see her again, I don’t ever want to have to spend the day trying to figure out what to do to not make her mad at me anymore for something that something, someone, or she did! She also said that the kids were grown and now it was her time to do what she wanted and being a "companion" to me was not part of that.
I am sacred of the future, but I am so looking forward to it!. I apologize if this sounds harsh, or makes me sound like a jerk. I don’t usually think of myself so much. I need to breathe. Time to get to work.
Another rough weekend mentally. Wife is blaming me for the divorce, saying that all of a sudden I was the one who wanted to destroy her life. How she was giving up everything to make me happy. When I asked her about how she would not go to counseling with me and how she was the one who withdrew after Christmas and told me “You Know We Are Going Through With This!”, “We need to find a lawyer”. Then after our anniversary in January, that I spent alone, I asked her again where we were at and where we were headed she stated “It will never be more than it is”, “What has changed, Nothing!”. So I filed and now she says that I did it out of the blue! How I am forcing her to stay in a job that she hates because she is too old to start anything else. How I had taken away her confidence when we married and had to move because of my job. (She is doing the same job now, just different place)
She also was upset and ridiculed me for telling my family that we are divorcing. She said that it was none of their business. That she could not understand why I felt the need to tell them. And that she did not plan on telling any of her family.
And also she has asked me at least every other day if I had heard from the lawyer about the property division settlement (He should be getting with me today). I am confused!
I know this will be the best thing for both of us, but I am ready to walk forward. Ready to have hope of a future. I will always love my wife. I will always look at her as a woman I desire, but I never want to have to wonder if I have to duck and run when I see her again, I don’t ever want to have to spend the day trying to figure out what to do to not make her mad at me anymore for something that something, someone, or she did! She also said that the kids were grown and now it was her time to do what she wanted and being a "companion" to me was not part of that.
I am sacred of the future, but I am so looking forward to it!. I apologize if this sounds harsh, or makes me sound like a jerk. I don’t usually think of myself so much. I need to breathe. Time to get to work.
Replies
it sounds like the chickens are coming home to roost for your wife. she is now reaping what she has sown emotionally. ... and she is ANGRY... VERY ANGRY. her way of dealing with her anger is to lash out ... at you.
you have every right to confide in whomever you please. if you want to share your heart/burden with your own family/folks, that is your right. she has no control over what you do and that seems to be rattling her.
i can only imagine how this is unnerving for you. please continue to surround yourself with your supports: friends, family, counsellor, support group. you will need it.
no, you don\'t sound harsh. take good care of yourself, WT. we are here also, to support you through this challenging time.
Dear WT, Maybe she never really thought you would go through with it. That you would be satisfied being roommates. I agree with Peace, you don\'t sound harsh. Just trying to get through a bad situation as best as you can. Hang in there. My ex would go from ranting texts \"f*** you\" to \"your still the love of my life\". Go figure. I just stayed steadfast and file for divorce. I wanted peace of mind and to be in control of my life. No more stumbling over evidence of other women. I can breath now. You will too, soon.
Thank You both for the support and confidance that Im still headed in the right direction. This emotional rollercoster of Not wanting a Divorce and then at the same time wanting a future has me torn up. If I could get past second guessing myself all the time I would be OK but all the years of being here makes me question everything I do. I\"ll be gone out of the house on work for 2 days, so that will give me time to recoop. Thank You again for the words of support. I needed the reasurance.
It\'s true, it was your news to share either way... there are some of us that want everything both ways. She has lost face in not being the one to break the divorce news and maybe it just hit her that it is very real. It sounds like you took sincere measures in trying to make things better, but as the cliche says, \'it takes two.\' Both of you will be making a lot of adjustments. She has to now go through all of the motions and emotions. As you said, she is also scared of the future. Your life with her as been known and familiar even the way it was. Anything without you is scary for her, even if she isn\'t happy either. As you figured out, you will be vilified whether you like it or not. The important thing is that when you look at yourself in the mirror, you know you tried and that you didn\'t turn this into a rude mud-slinging Jerry Springer sideshow. You have taken a stance and action. You can be empathetic to a degree regarding her moods, but you also have to preserve your own piece of mind, too. Maybe write her a letter saying you are sorry it didn\'t work, that you will always love her and wish her the best. Hope you find something soon to look forward to so that this isn\'t always in the front of your mind. Best wishes and stay safe!