March 7 Another day without you

Went to the dog park today to get the dog out for awhile. Wish I could just crawl into a cave and stay there. I feel completely unconnected to everything. I don't know how I drove home but on the way the kids called arguing about some stupid clothes and I wanted to keep driving and not go home. When you were here I could referee all their stupid arguments but now I'm finding it impossible to deal with life. I know their going through their own pain but they're adults and I can't seem to deal with everyone elses grief as well as my own.
You loved the sun and the days are getting longer and you're not here to see it and I don't want to see the sun either. You're not here and it's killing me. This feeling just grows more intense every day. Why did you leave me now. Why didn't you take better care of yourself. You're the best thing that ever happened to me and you left me. I'm told to take it one day at a time but every minute without hearing your voice and feeling your touch is tearing me apart. I'm older than you and it should have been me. I need you more than I can say and crying doesn't help.
I hope there is an afterlife or a continuation of this one so I can believe that you'll come for me when the time comes.
I'm dreading tomorrow. I love you with all my heart and wish I could tell you to your face instead of crying it into the air.
Mike