MARCH 4, 2008

Well, Hubby is finally home and boy was it a chore. I about had to come unglued on him. I got to the hospital yesterday about 10:30 and they had not heard anything form the doctor.  By 12:00 they said that he was going home andthat his doctor would be in to sign his discharge papers. About 12:30 The nurse came in and said that his doctor had something he wanted to ask him about before he went home. He wanted to know if they could put a fliter into his groin to filter  out blood clots. If he got that done he would have to stay another night. He was quiet until the nuse walked out of the room and then started having a fit. He said that he was tired of everything and did not want to have anything else done. He did not have any reason for living and he just wanted to die. He said that he was never going to get better and he was not going to try. He wanted to go home and be done.  Well, me being the person I am just started to cry. I would not talk to him and I just sat there crying in front of him for about half an hour. I felt like everything I had done for him meant nothing. I looked up and said to him that I was sorry that I had not done a good enough job being his wife and that I had not done enough for him to keep fighting. That I was not a good enough reason. He just layed there and did not say anythingfor awhile. I continued by saying that I was not going to interfere anymore and that no matter what he decided that I would be there for him and stand by him. If he decided that he was done that he would never go home and would stay right where he was and die, but I would be there. It must have gotten to him because after a liitle bit he looked up and said that he was ashamed for even saying that and that I was his everything. He was going to try harder this time around. After we finally got him in the house last night and everyone left he was really tired and wanted to go to bed. He told me that he was scared to fail and that he hoped that he would not let me down. I  know he is afraid to do alot of things and I have to keep encouraging him. So far so good, my momma always told me to use reverse psycology and it has been working so far. now all I have to do is remind him. Other than that my day has gone really smoothly. I did not go out and get his drugs today, as God had an Ice storm to deliver. Hopefully the electric does not go out.  Thought for the day.......Never think it is too far fetched, sometimes when looking for your keys, they are in the fridge.