March 20th
I finally fell asleep around 8am this morning. I was super tired at 3:30, but just lay in bed tired, unable to sleep.
I was talking to Geo around 6am about planning for what's going to happen after I get denied for disability- where are we going to live, what's going to happen to our stuff, etc. He didn't want to talk about it and got mad. It annoys me that when I try and talk about the future, he basically puts his hands over his ears and goes "naa naa naa" till I'm done. So, I had a thought- possibly dangerous. What if I asked Geo to write down things he would change about me if he could, and I write down things I would change about him if I could? I know it's dangerous- he has said many things he thinks I should change, but at the same time, he doesn't listen to me when I say what I would change about him. I know I brush off the things he says I think I should change because I don't know how to change them without therapy- which I can't afford. Things like my dichotomous thinking, not being able to let things go, and my mood swings. I would honestly like his input of what he would like me to change and how to go about it- even though I know it's going to hurt. I just don't know how he's going to take it. Should I open this can of worms, or should I just let things be?
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Yesterday I ate: 4:30- PB sandwich; 7pm- 2 baked chicken thighs, mashed potatoes; 3:30am another PB sandwich. No exercise.
I was talking to Geo around 6am about planning for what's going to happen after I get denied for disability- where are we going to live, what's going to happen to our stuff, etc. He didn't want to talk about it and got mad. It annoys me that when I try and talk about the future, he basically puts his hands over his ears and goes "naa naa naa" till I'm done. So, I had a thought- possibly dangerous. What if I asked Geo to write down things he would change about me if he could, and I write down things I would change about him if I could? I know it's dangerous- he has said many things he thinks I should change, but at the same time, he doesn't listen to me when I say what I would change about him. I know I brush off the things he says I think I should change because I don't know how to change them without therapy- which I can't afford. Things like my dichotomous thinking, not being able to let things go, and my mood swings. I would honestly like his input of what he would like me to change and how to go about it- even though I know it's going to hurt. I just don't know how he's going to take it. Should I open this can of worms, or should I just let things be?
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Yesterday I ate: 4:30- PB sandwich; 7pm- 2 baked chicken thighs, mashed potatoes; 3:30am another PB sandwich. No exercise.
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