March 2025

 depression is getting more out of hand due to the fact that Gabby doesn't speak to me anymore on messenger but I am trying to let her know that I care about her and her family. Even with Merle I haven't heard from her since March 10th and Gabby stopped sending me messages Feb25. But with her I know when she comes on line, I just hope that I can hear from her soon. I still have some hope that all of my kids will reach out to me, as I will never give up hope on them. I love them very much and I would never trade that in. I cry almost every day wondering what they are doing, wanting them to see what their dad is doing with his life by making something out of it. I haven't really done nothing two improve myself, I am alone and it is unbearable, tomorrow I am on my way to Baltimore for another audition to part of a runway show in April. I hope that I succeed in landing the part. as for work I have some good and bad days, even though I am tired of working for them, making just over 20 cents above minimum wage. I don't think it is fair, but when June comes around and get a home of my own, I am leaving Arby's after 10 years . I hope March will get better. I don't know, I feel like I am not getting anywhere, unlike this competition with Barbizon they had me down for a coffee commercial but I never signed up for it and didn't receive any commercial skits to memorize but I know that I did not sign up for any commercial, I have a hard time remembering customers orders let a lone learning skits . I feel like I am being set up. every time I get something from anything important like Barbizon or from Baltimore's Fashion week I always place them in a file. But I don't have anything in that file or in my documents on my computer only to find nothing. I make every effort to keep such information for future use. I don't know what kind of game she is playing but I am not sure what she is up to but I am not going to let it discourage me from succeeding. As I sit here writing down the things I am doing and my feelings. I think hard that I wonder how I am getting through the day. Working at Arby's is getting to stressful that I can't work there much longer that I am biting my tongue to keep me from going off on someone and on top of that I am always thinking about my own family and my grandkids. But as they say life goes on and I am trying to do the best I can to live my life the way I know how. So far I got accepted for the Fundraiser for the African children of Baltimore. I do not know what to do anymore, I am just take things as it comes. Even another set back that cost me almost 1K and now I have to try to pay it back but I hope that things will turn for the better. I just been ask to go full time at Walmart as I told them I have to stay at Arby's till I get my own home. I hope that I will be able to afford it.