March 19

Hi Sweetheart. Took mara to the stouffville flea market today and stopped at the field we always used to stop at to run her. Everything hit home again as I walked and realized you weren't walking beside me. It's a bright sunny day and it only made it worse because you're not here to enjoy it.
I need you so much babe. Why do I have to go through each day without you. Why did you have to leave us? Sometimes it feels like I'm slipping in and out of sanity. We were planning on moving out to the country this summer and now I can't think about moving without you. I need to be with you and with you not there I don't care where I am. Every place is the same and every place is empty.
Mara and I walked for 4 hours yesterday and were still restless when we got back. I know you couldn't walk distances like that but I would have been perfectly happy to snuggle on the couch with you. Now I sit here alone typing instead of sitting with my arm around you. I said I will always be there for you babe and I can't because you're not here. That hurts so much. Nothing matters without you to share it with me. I'll go back out tomorrow because mara needs to be excercised but I'm not looking forward to another empty day. I know how much you loved her and she spends all her time with me now. I take her everywhere I go.
I love you with all my heart sweetheart and can't even begin to explain how much I miss you.
Mike