Manifesto of Pride
I have taught people, every day, to affirm their own worth, to see themselves as worthy and sacred. I have taught people every day that being proud of themselves is not arrogance, which has been a hard lesson for many because they fear they have no right to exclaim their own virtue. I think I can truthfully say that every single one of you has received words and gestures of care, respect, and faith from me to you, because all of you deserve it so much. I do not want anyone to consider me essential to their healing, or to hitch themselves to me (or any one person, therapist, program, book, or method). It makes me so proud to see each of you becoming independent and thoughtful people, and sharing that process with me.
To take my own advice I want to do something I rarely do: I want to remind myself of my own worth and success. I ask all of you to do this, so it's acceptable that tonight I do it too, 5 minutes to midnight of August 10. Here is where I've come in a year.
Next week I am training the Choctaw tribe's nurses, police, victim's advocates, and social services workers how to form a Sexual Assault Response Team, so that tribal members who are raped will receive coordinated care.
I helped a rape crisis program in one Oklahoma town meet with a hospital's Board of Directors member to convince the hospital to accept a sexual assault forensic care program.
I trained fifty rape advocates on the philosophy of victim care.
I trained fifty people of various professions on the philosophy of the Spiritual Healing Retreat.
The second Spiritual Healing Retreat grew by seven more women this year.
I trained 9 sexual assault nurse examiners on the topic of "sexual assault 101."
I've joined a small group of volunteers to help organize a "Phoenix Festival," aka, "Art for Strength" show, to bring artists and musicians together to raise funds for rape crisis services.
I helped organize a summit of 50 professionals in the field of rape victim services to spend two days developing a strategic plan to improve those services in Oklahoma. Of the primary goals set by the summit were inclusion of culture/spirituality in rape recovery, organization of non-clinical SOCIAL support groups for victims, and use of technology for outreach and support for victims--a total vindication of things regarded as contraband just a year ago.
I met with ForeverHope for the first time in almost two years this past week, and was told that in all her counseling since age 8 none had helped until she worked with me. Today she is sober, in nursing school, happy, and wants to attend next year's retreat.
"Resurrection After Rape" is being taught in college classrooms as a textbook, and is also used in many treatment centers as their default guide to working with rape victims. It is also the best-reviewed book on Amazon on the topic of rape recovery (thank you, those who wrote reviews!).
I've traveled to D.C., Portland, and Denver for trainings in 5-star hotels with members of this profession from all 50 states. The funny thing is, those states are launching projects to do the very things that I was prohibited from doing in Oklahoma, and are searching for ideas and grants on how to do them.
I met Lucinda, Megan, Scubagirl, Butterfly9, StehtFest, and Unfurling for the first time this year. I spoke with Elisheva on the phone.
I wrote a booklet, "A Guide to Your Rights After Rape," which will be printed (70,000 copies) and provided to agencies across the entire state.
I hired TWO former students to work at the Oklahoma Coalition Against domestic Violence and Sexual Assault, and both of them are doing amazing work. Just since December, they have transformed entire aspects of how victim care is done.
I was given the rights to help build a sweatlodge, which is rare for a person who has never completed a sundance ceremony.
I've completed 90% of a follow-up book to "Resurrection After Rape."
I spoke and played flute at my mom's memorial.
To take my own advice I want to do something I rarely do: I want to remind myself of my own worth and success. I ask all of you to do this, so it's acceptable that tonight I do it too, 5 minutes to midnight of August 10. Here is where I've come in a year.
Next week I am training the Choctaw tribe's nurses, police, victim's advocates, and social services workers how to form a Sexual Assault Response Team, so that tribal members who are raped will receive coordinated care.
I helped a rape crisis program in one Oklahoma town meet with a hospital's Board of Directors member to convince the hospital to accept a sexual assault forensic care program.
I trained fifty rape advocates on the philosophy of victim care.
I trained fifty people of various professions on the philosophy of the Spiritual Healing Retreat.
The second Spiritual Healing Retreat grew by seven more women this year.
I trained 9 sexual assault nurse examiners on the topic of "sexual assault 101."
I've joined a small group of volunteers to help organize a "Phoenix Festival," aka, "Art for Strength" show, to bring artists and musicians together to raise funds for rape crisis services.
I helped organize a summit of 50 professionals in the field of rape victim services to spend two days developing a strategic plan to improve those services in Oklahoma. Of the primary goals set by the summit were inclusion of culture/spirituality in rape recovery, organization of non-clinical SOCIAL support groups for victims, and use of technology for outreach and support for victims--a total vindication of things regarded as contraband just a year ago.
I met with ForeverHope for the first time in almost two years this past week, and was told that in all her counseling since age 8 none had helped until she worked with me. Today she is sober, in nursing school, happy, and wants to attend next year's retreat.
"Resurrection After Rape" is being taught in college classrooms as a textbook, and is also used in many treatment centers as their default guide to working with rape victims. It is also the best-reviewed book on Amazon on the topic of rape recovery (thank you, those who wrote reviews!).
I've traveled to D.C., Portland, and Denver for trainings in 5-star hotels with members of this profession from all 50 states. The funny thing is, those states are launching projects to do the very things that I was prohibited from doing in Oklahoma, and are searching for ideas and grants on how to do them.
I met Lucinda, Megan, Scubagirl, Butterfly9, StehtFest, and Unfurling for the first time this year. I spoke with Elisheva on the phone.
I wrote a booklet, "A Guide to Your Rights After Rape," which will be printed (70,000 copies) and provided to agencies across the entire state.
I hired TWO former students to work at the Oklahoma Coalition Against domestic Violence and Sexual Assault, and both of them are doing amazing work. Just since December, they have transformed entire aspects of how victim care is done.
I was given the rights to help build a sweatlodge, which is rare for a person who has never completed a sundance ceremony.
I've completed 90% of a follow-up book to "Resurrection After Rape."
I spoke and played flute at my mom's memorial.
Replies
Thank you for writing all this. What a year of accomplishments! But it\'s not like so many lists of career and personal accomplishments. Behind each one of these, through each one, surrounding each one, was your passion and caring and love. You did not stop giving of yourself this past year, despite everything, despite betrayal and hurt and loss and grief.
This made me think of when I wrote my \"what rape did not steal\" journal assignment. At first, I thought I had nothing left, nothing that was not stolen or broken beyond repair. Then I realized how much of me was left, how much living and loving I had still managed to do.
It\'s healing to write this sort of thing. Inspiring to read. And very satisfying, because it\'s the ultimate way of flipping off those who tried to destroy us.
You sent me a book, which is proving to be more help to me than I believed a book could be. I am very grateful to you and will remain so. Never underestimate the importance of what you do.
I have been sat thinking of a response to you for quite some time. And I think the biggest thing this entry shows is your strength and how you haven\'t sat down and hidden in a corner. You\'ve taken on this new stage with as much enthusiasm and energy as you did your practice. It would have been so easy to allow bitterness and frustration mute you...I know, I have been doing that for years!
So to me..not only are your individual accomplishments so amazing but the picture they paint as a whole is truly inspiring.
You mean so much to all of us and I am proud to name you as my friend. Sometimes you shy away from our praise...but you really do deserve it. And now you have a list of things to look at that back us up :)
Bravo!
Can\'t talk much. Must sleep now. But you get that and you know I think you\'ve done amazing things. I\'m glad you finally see it too :)
wow...just wow. :)
Well that\'s nothing to sneeze at! I always like this part of \'processing\', the BEST part. Good job Buddy.
Wow. I am so glad that you did this. You have impacted so many and continue to do so. I think that this is something that I need to do one day, too.
Thank you for being a role model on how you are personally working through this and sharing your process. Thank you for putting yourself out there.
I am honored that you shared this.
What a perfect way to transition into your anniversary :)
good job! You really have acomplished alot from last year.
Well done, what a year it\'s been! Ironically, I did this exact thing yesterday too, great minds think alike? :)
I\'m proud of you.
Wow, is right. You\'ve accomplished more in a year -- all of it important, caring, and giving work -- than many accomplish in a lifetime. You should take time more often to reflect and appreciate yourself as others do.
and.... YOU ROCK!
Sorry to be so late to the comments to this post. I got hung up on a different one. You are an example Matt...not a wagon on which we hitch our survivorhood, and not a light we see off somewhere on the horizon. You are an example, with breath in your body...working alongside of us as we take one painful step after another. You are doing this healing this WITH us. You have accomplished so much for others, but today...in your previous post, I finally saw you doing this thing we call healing, alongside of us. You allowed anger, a thing you held at bay - again, for OUR benefit, you finally allowed yourself to admit it is good for you to express it too. You did indeed take your won advice...but not just in the forming if a journal admitting your worth. You took your own advice in a journal admitting your anger. They should be combined - these two journals. I am, as I always have been, proud to be counted among your friends. Thank you for sharing...not just your words, but you.