Mama drama continued

So my mother is at it again. In my last entry I was talking about my mother & her demanding nature & how she has said cruel things to me since Eddie's passing. My mother never cared about how her words hurt & its been worse since Ed's passing since I'm not as available to her as I once was. I didn't call her this week at all so she told my brother that I don't care about her or her birthday. My brother was helpful & explained that I was taking a break from her words that have caused me & my grandchildren pain. This made her call me yelling yesterday morning. I told her I cannot have these conversations anymore. I can't stand the drama & I'm too fragile to deal with her hurtful words. She denied saying anything cruel. When I told her some of the things she said to me she denied everything & said I was ruining her birthday, (just happened that all this nonsense coincided with her birthday - it wasn't planned) & that all I ever do is "find fault" with everything she says. I said, "Yes when you tell me to get over it, he's in a better place, what's wrong with you- you had him 37 years, everyone dies and that she felt the best when Eddie (and I quote ) was laid out because her family was around her, yes I cannot tolerate this anymore." She has said more, but the most painful thing was her reference to Eddie being laid out -referring to his wake. She said this to me about 2 weeks after Ed passed. The day of his wake, was the 2nd worst day of my life. The 1st being the actual day he passed. Why anyone would want me to think about that again I just can't imagine.

My mother's needs have always superseded mine & my brother's; even when we were kids. I don't expect that to change, but I just would be satisfied if she would even take some responsibility & stop making this harder for me. I told her I can't do this anymore & said goodbye. She called back & I restated that I am not going to talk anymore. She said I ruined her birthday. I said, "I'm sorry but that has nothing to do with this, goodbye. I'm sticking to my decision. I cannot allow her to cause me additional pain.

So we'll see. If she can be more respectful I don't mind helping her out once in a while. Or I will remove myself totally. Either way is fine with me.
Thanks for listening. I'm calm & doing ok. Church this morning helped.
Love and peace to all. Hugs, Linda

Replies

lionheartsmom
lionheartsmom

I am so sorry you had to deal with such cruel remarks especially coming from your mother. I will never understand how people justify being so uncaring. (You reacted better than I would have.) Take care of yourself. Even if it means putting some space between you and your mother, then that is what needs to be done. Nothing is more painful than losing a child, no matter the age. I\'ll pray for you to recieve the peace and comfort you deserve. Hugs, hugs, hugs, Roselle
MitchellsMom
MitchellsMom

Dearest Linda, I too am terribly sorry you are having to go through this especially at this time in your life. You are doing the right thing by taking care of yourself . I know it must hurt to take a stand with your Mother, but you shouldn\'t have to...right now you need time to get stronger and if you are constantly having to pull from your inner resources you will run out quick. Noone knows how very much energy it takes to just get through a normal day much less one filled with conflict. Rmemeber to take care of YOU, we are all here for you, With Much Love, Charlene, Mitchells mom
deleted_user
deleted_user

It\'s sad that some people just don\'t \"get it\". It\'s even sadder when it\'s people that you expect to care about you and your feelings, like your Mom. I\'m sorry for your hurt, and I understand. Take car of you. Love and Hugs, Kathie
critter718
critter718

Your mother sounds so all-consumed with her narcissism that she is not able to be of any support to you. You have tried to honor her as your mother, but it seems like nothing is good enough. You need to take care of yourself and your needs and if this means pushing her aside, then so be it. I wish you peace and contentment.
KimRW
KimRW

Linda, how sad that she does not stop to think about your feelings and your grief. I can understand why you have to separate yourself from her right now. You need healing and her hurtful words are not allowing that. I hope she realizes soon her mistakes and is able to be supportive to you. Sending you a hug and a prayer for peace. Love, Kim
Missinglisa
Missinglisa

It sounds like you have been the mother figure! You are doing the right thing setting boundaries. I hope she changes but old habits die hard.
Take care of yourself.
Hugs,
Marlene
NoraMc
NoraMc

Moms!!!!! oh, how it is so familiar. Again, do we have the same mom???I can just feel you shake, like I do after these lovely conversations with mom.
I send to you, my friend all my love, I often feel my mom has now lost me as a daughter, just as I have lost mine. ((hugs)) Nora
Livingjuicy
Livingjuicy

As a child you did not have a choice about whether or not to be in \"her space.\" Now, as an adult you do and with that comes freedom. If you have tried over and over again to be in a healthy relationship with her and she does not choose the same then the boundaries and space that you speak of sound like the only safe and healthy thing that you can do. Engaging in even a conversation with someone like this who is not stable takes our life force energy from us and I call them \"vamps\" because they will do everything and anything to suck us dry. You have a choice now and even though it is a parent and it makes it so difficult to choose you may. Take care of you dear friend. This is your time and she\'ll find someone else when you stop reacting in the way she thinks that you should. I did not have my father in my life for ten years and now we are rebuilding and it is the best. I do not say any of this lightly because it has touched my life too. Gentle care my friend and you do not have to pick up the phone, engage in this or even try for awhile. You\'ll know... So much understanding sent your way. Love and hugs, Joanie
deleted_user
deleted_user

Linda,I am so sorry// You are dealing in the only way possible, avoidance. Your mother will have to live with herself and her \"mean \" tongue. Sandi
deleted_user
deleted_user

Linda, my mom was like that before she died. (more so when I was a child) Nothing ever pleased her, and words that cut like a knife. I finally got tired of it one day, and told her what I thought about my whole life growing up with her and dad. She sad there and didn\'t say a word. I had my say, and everything got better after that. Just need to stand your ground sometimes. I\'m sorry your having to deal with this now, maybe she will be kinder in the future. Stick to your guns. Hugs, Danette
deleted_user
deleted_user

So sorry to hear this....family problems are unavoidable....especially mother problems....I have one...a mother, too. I think you are right to step back from it all and guard your heart. I pray things will become better and that your mother will change her ways. If not, then I hope you can endure and stay guarded. The trials of life.....this too shall pass.....love to you and Eddie.....dale, brandon\'s mom