Making some progress

 
Just read my transcripts & 14 more credits are there! YES! 9 more to go!
YES! I can do this!
I am such a procrastinator, that any accomplishment must be acknowledged. Praise me now – please?    Well just had to tell someone. I’m here in the middle of life and talking about college stuff that should have been done years ago, and I am ashamed that it wasn’t; but now I am doing it.
 
Why?
 
Well…
[My mother is ICE, My father has never been proud of me a day in his life. ]                                                                                                           
Well I’ve never had any support or feeling from my “brave face” society parents. I have had a lot of acknowledgement of [my] failure by them. I am disgusted by their lack of awareness of my struggles, I know thiers; they only hold me up to point out disappointments, spotlight failure. It would be so much more tolerable if, they ever had any guidance - ambition[interest] for me. How about an achievable goal? “Disappointment” implies that they had a vision/goal ~ yet ~ they just wanted, something else. If you don’t take an interest/ foster someone, how can you reasonably expect anything?   I cannot look them in the eye. I am so angry at them.
I am Ashamed, in their constant cold stare.
Why is breaking me, so important to “the family”? Can’t they see they’ve already done it?  I am broken ~ crippled,crushed.          
     It could be seen if they’d bother to look.
I am suspended here, awaiting that spear in my chest to hoist me before them… the “family”   … yet I know that I’ll not be approached. Quiet whispers, looks, hushed comments they will exchange. I won’t be given the dignity of being in their conversation. They glance, gossip, & go.
 
Ignoring them doesn’t solve anything – it only allows shame to fester in me, and my judgmental parents to hold me up once again as the” bad son” to my brothers and sisters.   I am a bad son. I’ve been emotionally neglected my whole life. Poked, prodded, ridiculed, and humiliated ~ wouldn’t you be a “bad son” too after that? My mother is ICE, My father has never been proud of me a day in his life. So that’s it. Now it has been said. Goodbye.