making progress.....

Well, we had our 4 hour "off-campus" visit from the treatment center.  It went okay, I guess.  Fortunately, the weather went from being rather ugly to beautiful this afternoon for our visit, which was great.   We (husband and I) were bad.......we let him buy some new clothes (which he actually needed - which isn't the bad part).  The bad part is he brought us his laundry bag filled with dirty clothes that included underwear.  He convinced us to buy him new underwear, too.  Why?  Because he couldn't bring himself to get up a little earlier to do his laundry.  He said they are only allowed to do laundry once a week and he forgets.  We justified why we gave in........and there is a list a mile long for doing so.  I know there are many things we could have done better (parenting over the years) but, a least, we are starting to recognize why we respond the way we have more and are changing some of our behaviors now.  Speaking of an behavior change..... I am so proud of my husband.  Son wanted to use our cell phone to call his "not my girlfriend" anymore girlfriend.  One of the rules of the treatment center is no cell phone calls.  He worked on us and he pouted.........starting to call my husband a whimp again because my husband did not let him manipulate him on this one.  We did allow him to smoke (against treatment center rules) but that is going to stop now.  My husband allowed him the last two visits when I wasn't there.  I found that frustrating and when I mentioned it to the counselor she said sometimes you have to pick your battles.  To me this is confusing.  Either it's a rule or not.  That is why he was pushng to use the phone.  Always with him.........if you give him an inch ...he takes a mile.  The visit today he finds the cigarettes in the glove compartment and lits up in the store parking lot.  It would be different if he were allowed to smoke at the center.  He is allowed Nicorette gum and has managed all week without a smoke.  So when he lit up......I protested and then relented  because I was getting the look from both of them.  This is my weakness and I told my husband..........it's not so much about getting approval from my son as much as it is about getting it from my husband.  I told my husband that..  We talked more and made more progress.  Son is angry because he sees he's losing power.  I feel for him because we allowed him, to a certain degree, to run the show.  He needs us to be strong and will thank us someday for it.................  Side note:  I am back playing soccer and scored a goal last night.  That's the good news.  The bad news is my husband is now out of commission.  He rolled his ankle.  He's not happy about that one.