Making progress

Even though I took my mother on a casino junket, I was able to stay in pretty much control, I'm not naive enough to think I can stay in control, but I can honestly say I would not mind if I every saw another casino again.  I refused to spend my money and so my mother insisted on giving me money so I would accompany her.  I said fine but I didn't spend my own, I actually was bored and wanted desperated to do something else but it was raining and the pool was closed the whole three days.  I won't lie, I did think about gambling online, that is my demon to fight now.  I'm starting to believe that quitting is possible for me now, I'm looking at life differently thanks to some inspirational meditations that I've been listening too and reading.  I hope to God that this keeps working, I get scared though that something will throw me off track.  I started only leaving a small amount in my checking accounts, and keeping my savings in cash so I can't access it online.  That seems to be helping alot, if I slip I can't do much damage financially anyway.  My mom got sick of giving me money to gamble with (I never asked, she volunteered it)(misery loves company and all that) I'm hoping she will not want to go if she has to finance my gambling, I think it will work.

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

ya know Lynn, my mother lived with us for a few months, and to keep my GF time intact, I had to tell her NO, I am not taking you....she was resourceful enough to find her own way...nothing in the world, nor anyone, is powerful enough to make me lose my GF time...I can\'t afford to put myself in a position of fighting those demons again......this addiction is so progressive, it picks right back up where it left off, fooling us in to believing we can do it like a \'normal\' person...but then the spiral starts, harder and faster than before...kind of like it\'s making up for lost time.
I know how hard it is to tell your mom NO!, but I did it, and it was certainly a weight off of my shoulders.....all of the whining, offers of money to finance, etc, didn\'t make me budge on my decision..the decision wasn\'t about her, it was all about me, and keeping myself GF.
Stop worrying about slipping and concentrate on getting thru TODAY, the next 5 minutes, the next 30 minutes.
It has been a little over 3 years for me, and it has been at times, the hardest thing I have ever done, but it has been the most worthwhile at the same time. Even after this long, the urge tries to sneak up on me, but I know what to look for, I know my triggers, and I know how to deal with them. I have so many things now that I stay busy with, not just busy to be busy, but busy to accomplish things.
Ya know, I don\'t journal all the time anymore, but I am always around reading, and helping wherever I can, whenever I can.
I thank everyone here, my HP, and my sweetie for where I am today......recovery is still a work in progress no matter how much clean time you have, and in order to keep it, we have to give it away....
You can do this, knock that little demon right off of your shoulder and show him who is boss now.

hugs
Danya
lynnkmiddle
lynnkmiddle

Thanks Makmarie for the support, I\'m going to do my best to tell my mother No, shes not use to that and holds money that she has lent our business over my head and threatens to take away my inheritance. A therapist told me I had to make a choice between money and freedom. I feel like a coward because that should be a easy choice. Man, you are so lucky you have beat it for three years, I know it took hard work. Congrats!