making plans.....
Okay, I've decided it is far beyond the point of no return..gotta go for my sanity and health and for my kids' sake. Decisions that need to be made.....
1. Stay here or leave the state?
If I leave the state, I run the risk that he can have me charged with kidnapping the children and force me back, or worse yet...get custody of my children. I have to uproot them again, change schools when they are comfortable, I have to find a new job in a bad economy and a place to live, all of which I have no money for. I would be far away from my family and friends.
However, if I stay here, this will never end. I am not foolish enough to think I can get away from him going this route--been there done that, it doesn't work. If I go far enough, I can start fresh and the kids can start fresh. They may hate going to a different school, but won't the peace and harmony and the relaxation be worth it? I can find a new job and a house. I can work out the money issues, I've done it before. Odds are he will not spend the money to try to fight me for custody, and hopefully as the girls are old enough now, they can say their piece and it will count for something. If I move to FL, NC, or WVA I have family and friends in those locations to be my support system and the odds are that my sister will be coming with me.
2. File for divorce from here or there? Will divorce be automatic if I "abandon" him? Will he even try to find out?
Probably, in answer to the last question. Aside from that, do I really care right now? I have bigger fish to fry at the moment.
3. Money. Where is it coming from?
I'll figure it out. Even if I only put aside $20 from each paycheck, start sending out resumes right now (or when I decide on a spot), and know that in a few months I will have money coming to me from my school account. Talk to other people, find out about a work from home business that actually works. Trust God that everything will fall into place correctly if I am on the right path.
4. Guilt.
Keep looking at my children, keep journaling, keep remembering what it is that is so horribly wrong with this situation on so many levels, and keep reminding myself that I deserve so much better. I am a good person, I liked the person I used to be, I don't like this person. He is an adult and responsible for his choices, he knows what he is doing is wrong, and I cannot be responsible for changing things or for his actions.
Plans:
I have sent away for a relocation guide or two already, waiting for them to come. I have retooled and revamped my resume in preparation for job hunting. I will talk to Theresa and ask her to look for a place for us. I will talk to Tammy about any contacts she may have outside of this state. I will schedule counseling appointments at the crisis intervention center for all of us. I will start taking care of my health and focus on convincing him that there is something seriously wrong with me--mentally would be fine with me--in order to begin the process of walking away. As much as it makes me sick to think it, I will let him think he is justified in thinking/saying I am crazy, lazy, wrong in some way so that the disentanglement will go smoothly--or as smoothly as possible.
1. Stay here or leave the state?
If I leave the state, I run the risk that he can have me charged with kidnapping the children and force me back, or worse yet...get custody of my children. I have to uproot them again, change schools when they are comfortable, I have to find a new job in a bad economy and a place to live, all of which I have no money for. I would be far away from my family and friends.
However, if I stay here, this will never end. I am not foolish enough to think I can get away from him going this route--been there done that, it doesn't work. If I go far enough, I can start fresh and the kids can start fresh. They may hate going to a different school, but won't the peace and harmony and the relaxation be worth it? I can find a new job and a house. I can work out the money issues, I've done it before. Odds are he will not spend the money to try to fight me for custody, and hopefully as the girls are old enough now, they can say their piece and it will count for something. If I move to FL, NC, or WVA I have family and friends in those locations to be my support system and the odds are that my sister will be coming with me.
2. File for divorce from here or there? Will divorce be automatic if I "abandon" him? Will he even try to find out?
Probably, in answer to the last question. Aside from that, do I really care right now? I have bigger fish to fry at the moment.
3. Money. Where is it coming from?
I'll figure it out. Even if I only put aside $20 from each paycheck, start sending out resumes right now (or when I decide on a spot), and know that in a few months I will have money coming to me from my school account. Talk to other people, find out about a work from home business that actually works. Trust God that everything will fall into place correctly if I am on the right path.
4. Guilt.
Keep looking at my children, keep journaling, keep remembering what it is that is so horribly wrong with this situation on so many levels, and keep reminding myself that I deserve so much better. I am a good person, I liked the person I used to be, I don't like this person. He is an adult and responsible for his choices, he knows what he is doing is wrong, and I cannot be responsible for changing things or for his actions.
Plans:
I have sent away for a relocation guide or two already, waiting for them to come. I have retooled and revamped my resume in preparation for job hunting. I will talk to Theresa and ask her to look for a place for us. I will talk to Tammy about any contacts she may have outside of this state. I will schedule counseling appointments at the crisis intervention center for all of us. I will start taking care of my health and focus on convincing him that there is something seriously wrong with me--mentally would be fine with me--in order to begin the process of walking away. As much as it makes me sick to think it, I will let him think he is justified in thinking/saying I am crazy, lazy, wrong in some way so that the disentanglement will go smoothly--or as smoothly as possible.
Replies
Sounds like you\'re making a good start, its horrible that it takes such planning just to split up with someone isn\'t it? I hope you find some help with it all x