making changes
Well I have noticed a couple things in my life that send me in the direction of wanting to just hang the gloves up. So I started thinking more about what I can control and what I can do to help change my life just a little to help me. So I looked at my family that are still in my life, and there are some people that are so self centered that it makes me upset on how they treat others. Or how my Aunt hurt me twice once being selling my dog she gave me without asking me or even telling me, then just as I was starting to forgive her she made plans with me to help her with my god children which I dont see much and was looking forward to, and she never showed up, and seeing her later that day said nothing to me. I was and still upset more because the kids where promised to have a great day with me and it didnt happen.
Her daughter (does not have her kids due to a drug habit she had) we used to be close cuz went to boxing had fun, but when she started getting into the need to look perfect and that she was never perfect and the drugs and how she treated her kids. That was it, I was done. I am very protective over her kids as I raised two of them. Now she is getting better and wants to hang out with me but we always end up fighting bc she thinks she is right and she knows everything. She is taking a course to become a addictions counselor, and I am happy she wants to do that. But I am starting to think that it was only bc my family kept saying that and that she would be good at it bc she went through it. But talking to her I cant see her being able to help someone else.... she is just too self centered, and hurts people and does not feel sorry when she does.
I am cutting them out of my life there is nothing good coming from them and even though they are family I need to focus on me and healing not being taken down when I am already on my knees trying to get myself up from life it self.
There are a few people that I warned it my family that if they kept hitting my triggers and making me upset I will remove myself until they dont. What really bugs me is that they care more about talking about others and helping others that they miss the huge picture and really only make things worse.
I also am going back on a promise, which hurts me greatly... I am a person that is known to promise and keep it. However my Friend who has been in my life for 8 years has not really been a friend back. I was always there for her and put myself in harms way for her, and knowing that there was going to be a neg thing for standing up for her but I did bc she was my friend. I would do anything for her, however when she does not need me I am never around, she puts me down alot and I am not allowed to go around when her bf is over bc he hates me, and she says we are not friends so that they dont fight. It really bugs me how much she has failed me. And I told her that I need to step back if she thinks I am dwelling and crying about my life that she knows nothing about, I dont need her so called support, it only makes things worse.
So I am riding of the people that are dragging me down and if people start dragging me down I will be riding them as well. I want to go forward and feel better that is why I asked for help that is why I am taking medication, that is why I am in this support group, so I can go forward and become the person I want to be. I want to heal.
Her daughter (does not have her kids due to a drug habit she had) we used to be close cuz went to boxing had fun, but when she started getting into the need to look perfect and that she was never perfect and the drugs and how she treated her kids. That was it, I was done. I am very protective over her kids as I raised two of them. Now she is getting better and wants to hang out with me but we always end up fighting bc she thinks she is right and she knows everything. She is taking a course to become a addictions counselor, and I am happy she wants to do that. But I am starting to think that it was only bc my family kept saying that and that she would be good at it bc she went through it. But talking to her I cant see her being able to help someone else.... she is just too self centered, and hurts people and does not feel sorry when she does.
I am cutting them out of my life there is nothing good coming from them and even though they are family I need to focus on me and healing not being taken down when I am already on my knees trying to get myself up from life it self.
There are a few people that I warned it my family that if they kept hitting my triggers and making me upset I will remove myself until they dont. What really bugs me is that they care more about talking about others and helping others that they miss the huge picture and really only make things worse.
I also am going back on a promise, which hurts me greatly... I am a person that is known to promise and keep it. However my Friend who has been in my life for 8 years has not really been a friend back. I was always there for her and put myself in harms way for her, and knowing that there was going to be a neg thing for standing up for her but I did bc she was my friend. I would do anything for her, however when she does not need me I am never around, she puts me down alot and I am not allowed to go around when her bf is over bc he hates me, and she says we are not friends so that they dont fight. It really bugs me how much she has failed me. And I told her that I need to step back if she thinks I am dwelling and crying about my life that she knows nothing about, I dont need her so called support, it only makes things worse.
So I am riding of the people that are dragging me down and if people start dragging me down I will be riding them as well. I want to go forward and feel better that is why I asked for help that is why I am taking medication, that is why I am in this support group, so I can go forward and become the person I want to be. I want to heal.
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