Major Meltdown

Monday I had a major meltdown during which my stbx called. Boy, did I let him have it. I told him that I hate him for doing this to me. I didn't ever want to be a single mother. He's a selfish jerk for his choice and I hate seeing his stupid face. He agreed. He said that I have every right to feel angry and to hate him. He says he deserves it. Isn't that a fine how-do-you-do?
Although to be completely honest, when I think about how miserable he use to make everyone in the house, there is a part of me that is glad that he made this choice. Living with someone who is determined to be miserable is torture. I l know I will move past this, and things will be so much better on the other side, but I can't help feeling this way.
All of the logic and truth doesn't seem to allay the misery of my new reality. I am alone. I have to parent alone. I am responsible for everything. Alone. I never really felt "with" when we were together, but having a warm body in the seat next to me, even if that body is completely disengaged is better than alone.