Major Life Change Event
It has been a while since I have posted a journal entry. So how shall I say this? Best to just spit it out.
About the time I threw my 2nd PE, I was taking much longer than normal to get my work tasks done. And I was having problems with my critical thinking skills. Finally my supervisor was concerned enough that he started some daily technical briefings. At first they helped, but after a while they exasperated the problem. Then my supervisor gave me a written warning with deliverable dates. This pushed me into a depression.
ON July 1st I went to my GP, and we determined it was time to increase the dose of my SSRI. When making these changes, it takes a while for the change to take affect, and my Doctor wrote a note but did not mention the time off. So when I asked for the rest of the week off, it was rejected. I was in a depressed mood most of the day, and when I heard that the time off was rejected, that pushed me over the edge. I wanted to commit suicide. I felt I was out of options. I went out to cause a car accident, and a voice in my head (God, who else) said "you need help. Go get it." So I drove home and collapsed in my chair crying. 10 minutes later my wife drove me to the Emergency Department, and I checked myself in. I was inpatient for 2 weeks, followed by 2 weeks in a partial hospitalization program. The program let me go home at night and during the day I was in a group intensive program which involved daily check ins, followed by coping mechanisms and relaxation techniques.
I found the program very helpful, and this week I went back to work. I felt apprehensive about going back to work, so this week was definitely stressful. Today I determined that I am definitely not happy at my job, and I told my supervisor about it.
While I was inpatient it dawned on me very quickly that it was time for a career changing event. Now it is more clear than ever. The questions I am having is what to transition into and how to do it.
Mike
About the time I threw my 2nd PE, I was taking much longer than normal to get my work tasks done. And I was having problems with my critical thinking skills. Finally my supervisor was concerned enough that he started some daily technical briefings. At first they helped, but after a while they exasperated the problem. Then my supervisor gave me a written warning with deliverable dates. This pushed me into a depression.
ON July 1st I went to my GP, and we determined it was time to increase the dose of my SSRI. When making these changes, it takes a while for the change to take affect, and my Doctor wrote a note but did not mention the time off. So when I asked for the rest of the week off, it was rejected. I was in a depressed mood most of the day, and when I heard that the time off was rejected, that pushed me over the edge. I wanted to commit suicide. I felt I was out of options. I went out to cause a car accident, and a voice in my head (God, who else) said "you need help. Go get it." So I drove home and collapsed in my chair crying. 10 minutes later my wife drove me to the Emergency Department, and I checked myself in. I was inpatient for 2 weeks, followed by 2 weeks in a partial hospitalization program. The program let me go home at night and during the day I was in a group intensive program which involved daily check ins, followed by coping mechanisms and relaxation techniques.
I found the program very helpful, and this week I went back to work. I felt apprehensive about going back to work, so this week was definitely stressful. Today I determined that I am definitely not happy at my job, and I told my supervisor about it.
While I was inpatient it dawned on me very quickly that it was time for a career changing event. Now it is more clear than ever. The questions I am having is what to transition into and how to do it.
Mike
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