MAJOR DECISIONS...

I know what it is like to not feel anything.  To feel so empty and alone, disconnected and hopeless.......

I know how amazing it feels to reach out and connect with others, feel things (good and bad) and be able to simply reach out to make someone else feel better (if only for a minute) ... to actually be hopeful and look forward to each new day.....

I know what it feels like to shut down and go through the motions.  feeling absolutely nothing,looking forward to nothng and actually dreading each new day......

And now I am discovering just how it feels as i grow attached to people and as they exit, one by one leaving me with an overwhelming empty ache where that care and concern (and they) used to be.

I am ashamed to say that i do envy others who are fortunate to have loved ones and acquaintences who they will have forever

Perhaps I should be (guess I am ) greatful to be able to say i have now experienced all these emotions.

Right now though, it hurts too much to lose everyone and i keep asking myself if it's worth it.