Made It To Wednesday

Thought I lost something today. Something that Abby gave me. It's amazing how a little thing that you use every day without a thought can become so important when it's suddenly missing. In those few minutes I remembered when she gave it to me and why and even what she said, or I think I do anyway. I found it but I was amazed at the memories it scared up.
My jaw is still bothering me quite a bit, I have TMJ, and I think it may be related to this whole process I seem to be going through. I find myself clenching my teeth a lot and the crying sometimes makes my throat hurt, not to mention eyes, nose, etc. I think I have a lot of anger not just sadness. There is a longing kind of loneliness that leads me down dangerous paths. I wonder how long I can make it? Someone at work was making plans for New Year's Eve today and I was filled with fear and dread. I hadn't even thought about New Year's. How am I going to ignore that? Where will I  hide?
I keep getting surprised by bills that Abby put on automatic renewal. She knew better than that, I wonder how she got conned? So far no one's given me a hard time about any of them. Good thing because sometimes I feel like I might explode at any second. I'm not real clear what I'm angry about, everything and nothing at the same time. The injustice of it all I guess, the unfairness, the randomness. I was the one who lived the dissolute life. I was the one destined to die young. I was okay with that but not this. I guess my karma is not as exemplary as I dreamed