made it thru the one-year mark
May 17 marked the one-year anniversary of losing Jeff--a day I've dreaded. It actually went better than I could have ever imagined. I was completely selfish and did what I needed to do for me--then set aside special time for the kids and I to celebrate Jeff's life. We had a Jeff-style barbecue, wrote him letters that we sealed away until next year, and shared stories of our favorite memories. I think I've turned the corner where memories bring smiles instead of overwhelming sadness. I wish that we did not have to be separated right now, but I know that Jeff is in a better place where I hope to be reunited with him some day. In the mean time, I am still on this earth for a reason and I don't intend to waste the opportunity to live life as God has planned for me. That is in no way a betrayal of my love for Jeff--rather I carry the things I learned from my time with Jeff and try to be the best possible person I can be here in this life. I have the blessing of a wonderful family and the best friends anyone could hope for---I would not have chosen to go this path without Jeff, but I now accept that there is a larger plan for me and mine is not to question, but rather to have faith and keep putting one foot in front of the other. I am finally at peace and that is a huge step. For those of you still struggling to imagine that there could ever be purpose, joy, and peace in your life again, hold on. It will happen. I love all of you who have supported me through the past 6 months and I pray for those who are still feeling the acute pain of loss. Have faith--God is good.