made it thru the one-year mark

May 17 marked the one-year anniversary of losing Jeff--a day I've dreaded.  It actually went better than I could have ever imagined.  I was completely selfish and did what I needed to do for me--then set aside special time for the kids and I to celebrate Jeff's life.  We had a Jeff-style barbecue, wrote him letters that we sealed away until next year, and shared stories of our favorite memories.  I think I've turned the corner where memories bring smiles instead of overwhelming sadness.  I wish that we did not have to be separated right now, but I know that Jeff is in a better place where I hope to be reunited with him some day.  In the mean time, I am still on this earth for a reason and I don't intend to waste the opportunity to live life as God has planned for me.  That is in no way a betrayal of my love for Jeff--rather I carry the things I learned from my time with Jeff and try to be the best possible person I can be here in this life.  I have the blessing of a wonderful family and the best friends anyone could hope for---I would not have chosen to go this path without Jeff, but I now accept that there is a larger plan for me and mine is not to question, but rather to have faith and keep putting one foot in front of the other.  I am finally at peace and that is a huge step.  For those of  you still struggling to imagine that there could ever be purpose, joy, and peace in your life again, hold on.  It will happen.  I love all of you who have supported me through the past 6 months and I pray for those who are still feeling the acute pain of loss.  Have faith--God is good.
CJ

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

Whoa....my feelings exactly! I\'m 15 months into my new life and now instead of grieving over my loss, I\'m smiling and grateful for the good times we had. I\'m still here for some reason - maybe it\'s to bring a smile and some joy to a grief stricken soul.
wannabebeachbum
wannabebeachbum

Thanks for your comments. I think I\'m still here because I feel an overwhelming gratitude to DS for getting me to the point where I am today and I want to \"pay it forward\" to others who are new to this journey. I absolutely would not have been able to feel the joy I do today without the connections and support that DS provided. I\'m so glad to have friends like you who completely understand what this journey is like and offer a supportive word when it is most needed. Thanks!
CJ
lespreludes
lespreludes

Thank you for sharing. It is a great blessing that you at such a positive point in your journey. I just completed one year on May 20th., and I still feel heartbroken. Of course the grief is not so profound, but it is still painful.
blessings,
lespreludes
deleted_user
deleted_user

I am glad you have reached a point in your journey in which the happy memories are coming back, and that you have found peace to enjoy life and what it has to offer. hugs from Sil
wannabebeachbum
wannabebeachbum

Thanks, Sil. It\'s so nice to be able to remember a good time and feel a little bit of that original joy again. I hope the same is/will be true for you. CJ
deleted_user
deleted_user

good for you, always happy to hear, someone is doing good,..your Jeff, would be pround of you,.. and your kids!! i am sure,.. your friend, Dave