made it thru the one-year mark

May 17 marked the one-year anniversary of losing Jeff--a day I've dreaded.  It actually went better than I could have ever imagined.  I was completely selfish and did what I needed to do for me--then set aside special time for the kids and I to celebrate Jeff's life.  We had a Jeff-style barbecue, wrote him letters that we sealed away until next year, and shared stories of our favorite memories.  I think I've turned the corner where memories bring smiles instead of overwhelming sadness.  I wish that we did not have to be separated right now, but I know that Jeff is in a better place where I hope to be reunited with him some day.  In the mean time, I am still on this earth for a reason and I don't intend to waste the opportunity to live life as God has planned for me.  That is in no way a betrayal of my love for Jeff--rather I carry the things I learned from my time with Jeff and try to be the best possible person I can be here in this life.  I have the blessing of a wonderful family and the best friends anyone could hope for---I would not have chosen to go this path without Jeff, but I now accept that there is a larger plan for me and mine is not to question, but rather to have faith and keep putting one foot in front of the other.  I am finally at peace and that is a huge step.  For those of  you still struggling to imagine that there could ever be purpose, joy, and peace in your life again, hold on.  It will happen.  I love all of you who have supported me through the past 6 months and I pray for those who are still feeling the acute pain of loss.  Have faith--God is good.
CJ