made it through!
Hi everyone, well I made it through my second Thanksgiving since my beloved son Eddie went home to be with the Lord. I must say that the holiday was less painful than last year but I, to be honest did not feel much. I would describe the day as "colorless". I brought my mother some turkey that I had made Sunday when my grandchildren came for dinner and also the trimmings. I "visited" with her for about an hour and a half. Its in quotes because its not a true visit ever as my mother is usually demanding and difficult. She was OK though yesterday. She was v ery focused on watching the parades on TV so she didn't criticize or complain as much so I'm grateful for that, lol!
Then Ken & I, my DIL& grandchildren went to the cemetery. Of course we all sobbed and I sid to Joshua, " yeah, I keep waiting for this to get easier!" He agreed, its still pretty awful. Christina left autumn flowers for her Dad and Joshua, always the wonderful older brother, hugged her tight and comforted her. I told them Daddy is so proud since they continue to support each other.
Then I went to my son's friend's house for dessert. This friend, Donna, was very close to Ed. They did not have a romantic relationship, just great friends. Donna's mom passed 5 years ago @ age 55 from cancer. Ed was Donna's support system. I got very close to Donna too through that ordeal. Donna has a young son who she's asked me to be Grammy to &so I went to visit yesterday cuz baby Walter (he's 2) needs to have a visit from his Gram on Thanksgiving. It was a good visit. Donna is missing her mom & I was missing my son, but we shared some laughs, (Donna's husband is a riot) and of course Walter is a love!
So overall, not a great holiday, but at least peaceful. One thing I am grateful for is that recently I've felt a shift in my journey. For about the last 2 months my dreams have been more pleasant. Prior to that every night I would have nightmares. Usually of death, or calling to Eddie & he couldn't hear me eTc. They were awful! I would cry in my sleep & wake up sobbing. Then try to go to work all shaken. Lately I've been dreaming about beautiful gardens. Don't know why & don't care. I'll take these pleasant images any day!
I also feel over the last couple of months I have begun to integrate Ed's passing into my life. I can talk about him often without wanting to just curl into a ball & die. Again, it my not be much to someone who hasn't lost a child but to me its huge! I know all of you understand.
I also feel blessed to be able to reach out to others. I am at a stage where I can truly say to other moms that it gets easier. Eddie has taught me that & I must learn what I can through this process. I heard a quote recently that is powerful for me. "When you lose, don't lose the lesson."
Thank you God for my son and the years I had with him. Please tel Eddie I love him and always will.
Eddie, thank you for teaching me all I've learned in the last year. I was you first teacher and now I am your student. I love and miss you more than words can express. Mom
Then Ken & I, my DIL& grandchildren went to the cemetery. Of course we all sobbed and I sid to Joshua, " yeah, I keep waiting for this to get easier!" He agreed, its still pretty awful. Christina left autumn flowers for her Dad and Joshua, always the wonderful older brother, hugged her tight and comforted her. I told them Daddy is so proud since they continue to support each other.
Then I went to my son's friend's house for dessert. This friend, Donna, was very close to Ed. They did not have a romantic relationship, just great friends. Donna's mom passed 5 years ago @ age 55 from cancer. Ed was Donna's support system. I got very close to Donna too through that ordeal. Donna has a young son who she's asked me to be Grammy to &so I went to visit yesterday cuz baby Walter (he's 2) needs to have a visit from his Gram on Thanksgiving. It was a good visit. Donna is missing her mom & I was missing my son, but we shared some laughs, (Donna's husband is a riot) and of course Walter is a love!
So overall, not a great holiday, but at least peaceful. One thing I am grateful for is that recently I've felt a shift in my journey. For about the last 2 months my dreams have been more pleasant. Prior to that every night I would have nightmares. Usually of death, or calling to Eddie & he couldn't hear me eTc. They were awful! I would cry in my sleep & wake up sobbing. Then try to go to work all shaken. Lately I've been dreaming about beautiful gardens. Don't know why & don't care. I'll take these pleasant images any day!
I also feel over the last couple of months I have begun to integrate Ed's passing into my life. I can talk about him often without wanting to just curl into a ball & die. Again, it my not be much to someone who hasn't lost a child but to me its huge! I know all of you understand.
I also feel blessed to be able to reach out to others. I am at a stage where I can truly say to other moms that it gets easier. Eddie has taught me that & I must learn what I can through this process. I heard a quote recently that is powerful for me. "When you lose, don't lose the lesson."
Thank you God for my son and the years I had with him. Please tel Eddie I love him and always will.
Eddie, thank you for teaching me all I've learned in the last year. I was you first teacher and now I am your student. I love and miss you more than words can express. Mom
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