Made a Huge Mistake
I have been so selfish and mean. I don't know why I have treated my husband so badly. I have had an affair. He caught me twice. The first time I felt badly but was not willing to give up the OM. I did not try to rebuild any trust give my H any support. Now it is a different story, he has asked me to leave our home and my son. This has been my wakeup call. I do not want to lose my family. I know I've made a big mistake and readily admit my errors. I want nothing more than to take his pain away. I want to make all this up to him. I am going to go to counseling. I am looking for another job since the affair was with someone I work down the hall from. The thought of living my life without my family terrifies me. I am looking for some support, not someone to excuse my behavior, just to help me work thru my feelings. All cheaters are not cold selfish people. I made a very bad choice and if I had it to do all over again I would not have made the same one.
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Today is hard, I woke up hurt and confused. I feel I need more support than I an getting from my BH. I know that sounds selfish but my life\\future is in his hands. He did not get the reaction he thought he was going to get when he asked me to move out. He thought I would be happy and jump at the chance to be with the OM but I was not. I have been very selfish and mean these past few months. I had become someone that I did not recognize. My heart was cold and closed. Maybe to ease my conscience of what I was doing wrong, I don\'t know. I treated him so badly. How does one get to that point. He was my best friend, my lover, he has always taken such wonderful care of me. I can\'t imagine my life without him. But if he chooses not to rebuild our marraige and asks me to leave again, I make become weak and go back to OM. I don\'t want to be alone. I have such guilt, but is it the guilt or love that drives me to reconcile? I start therapy today. Hopefully I will find some help.
If you really, and I mean really want to save your marriage, you have to be completely open and honest with your H. It\'s going to take a lot of hard work for both of you and both of you have to be committed to making it work. When my H came home, he understood that ALL contact with the OW had to stop. It\'s hard to put a marriage back together, but having that other person in your face makes it impossible.
I won\'t go into too much here, but if you want advise, I\'m glad to give it. Just let me know.
And stay with the therapy. And be honest with the therapist and yourself. Good luck!
I am on the other side. My H had an A. I had no idea. It has destroyed me and us. We are trying to make it right. I must say...he is giving it his best. And I let him have it..all the time. And he takes it. He is humiliated..remorseful and ashamed of his actons. I will never look at him the same. What I will do..is look through different eyes..and maybe that is a good thing. He was so cruel to me while he was with her...I wondered what was wrong. My self esteem took a nosedive which made her even more attractive. All the while...all of this was a little web being woven around me...and I had no clue. Now..after finding out by accident..or not..she sent a text...surely I might see..and I did. My advice...never..never..never give up. Do whatever it takes..no matter how long it takes...and let him make the rules. It is only him who will know what will make him comfortable and begin to get an inkling of trust back. you must also know..that as in my case..and perhaps yours..you may think..phew..he loves me again..and than wham....he has a trigger and it feels like it all fell apart again..I unfortuaately am learning that behavior the hard way..but know that I am not crazy and it is part of the process. Good luck...you are a good person to be so honest.
I hope therapy helps. it sounds like you regret having the affair,because you are now faced with being alone. This should be a wake up call for you to respect your wedding vows and family and never do something so tasteless again!
Have you thought about couples therapy? I am a believer that it takes two for a relationship to go wrong. You cheated because something was missing in your marriage. Figure out what it is. Figure out what you both can do to fix it. You\'re a good person. Good Luck