Made a Huge Mistake

I have  been so selfish and mean. I don't know why I have treated my husband so badly. I have had an affair. He caught me twice. The first time I felt badly but was not willing to give up the OM. I did not try to rebuild any trust give my H any support. Now it is a different story, he has asked me to leave our home and my son. This has been my wakeup call. I do not want to lose my family. I know I've made a big mistake and readily admit my errors. I want nothing more than to take his pain away. I want to make all this up to him. I am going to go to counseling. I am looking for another job since the affair was with someone I work down the hall from. The thought of living my life without my family terrifies me. I am looking for some support, not someone to excuse my behavior, just to help me work thru my feelings. All cheaters are not cold selfish people. I made a very bad choice and if I had it to do all over again I would not have made the same one.