Mike
Today I met with Mike my therapist. I took with me a song from Clay Aiken album song titled I survived you and we talked about my ex. I'm glad that I could get everything that he put me through "on the table" as you would say. He validated me. It felt good to have someone to understand. When I was going through the last ten years of my marriage I was told by the church that "families had to stay together at all costs" since then they have changed that, but not soon enough for the destruction of myself and my children. So I endured being mentally bashed and very controlled. Even when we separated he had his lawyer attached to my jugular and was sucking me dry as if the abuse wasn't enough. He ended up with everything, thank God I got the kids and about 200 a month in child support. he even got both cars. Enough rambling I can't even keep my thoughts from running into another so more later...
Replies
Jme, There is a lot that you need to work through in order to come out on the \"other side.\" My philosophy may seem anathema to your own situation; however, it is tried and true. First, go through all of the skeletons in your closet and, with each one, try to take from it a \"lesson\" that you needed to learn. How were you complicit in your ex\'s behavior? For example, that you followed your church\'s ideas rather than escape from abuse: what was the worst thing? -- the loss of the companionship, fellowship and approval of your churchmates or the loss of the abuse and a marraige that was unhealthy for you as well as for the children. You played a role in the decision(s) that you made and the actions that you took. What deeper needs were you trying to fulfill? Have you learned since then that those same needs were an illusion? Or, have you learned that the construct that you had was not a healthy one? I can\'t answer these things for you, that is certain. However, these are the skeletons that you must face and gather information about yourself in reference to them. I know that this will be a hard road for you and a lot of pain and suffering will come through your work to reach a place where you can talk about these things with detachment and emotion. There are deeper points in all of this that go straight to the heart. I won\'t describe them now as you are not where you can fully understand this. Take care and many hugs. Neesie
Sending you a bunch of hugs.