Lumens of Peace
With a productive period between myself and the most recent round of lightmares, I think it is time to contemplate the light phobia behind them. I don't think I will ever love the eye gouging security lights casting dark shadows over my gardens with electronic efficiency, but I can try to separate them from the trauma of my childhood. I can let them be a contemporary irritation rather than a warning of impending rape and drunken debauchery. Electronic irritations do not need to trigger my flight or fight instincts.
During an episode in the 90's I attempted to build my immunity to my light phobia by passing sleepless nights reading and writing under a neighbor's security light. In my own yard, of course. Light is no respecter of property lines. That episode resulted in a night in jail and commitment to a mental hospital, etc., and a new set of light trauma to deal with. Ah... The self perpetuating cycle.
The effort to build my immunity to light was not the actual catalyst. It only got caught up in the complex web of a PTSD episode. Use of the technique even helped me past the paralysis of the lightmares and let me get on with my gardening dreams. It even resulted in some potentially spectacular photographs of the shadowy gifts from the new neighbors. Potentially. I still cringe when they come up on my screen saver. Objectivity not yet possible.
This morning I am wondering if I should push myself to keep an immunity building program going now while I am calm enough for a measure of objectivity.
During an episode in the 90's I attempted to build my immunity to my light phobia by passing sleepless nights reading and writing under a neighbor's security light. In my own yard, of course. Light is no respecter of property lines. That episode resulted in a night in jail and commitment to a mental hospital, etc., and a new set of light trauma to deal with. Ah... The self perpetuating cycle.
The effort to build my immunity to light was not the actual catalyst. It only got caught up in the complex web of a PTSD episode. Use of the technique even helped me past the paralysis of the lightmares and let me get on with my gardening dreams. It even resulted in some potentially spectacular photographs of the shadowy gifts from the new neighbors. Potentially. I still cringe when they come up on my screen saver. Objectivity not yet possible.
This morning I am wondering if I should push myself to keep an immunity building program going now while I am calm enough for a measure of objectivity.
Replies
Even without the relationship to your childhood, I find lights annoying. They blot out the stars and hurt our retinas.. I like your clever term \"lightmare\".