Lucy "the redhead"
Coming up on 8 months and still feel like I am in a fog, It has been a horrible week. Before my husband died he used to always warn me that one of these days I was going to hit the cat in the driveway, my cat Lucy, the redhead needless to say. She was nearing 20 years old she and never bothered anybody wasn't really fond of people did her own thing "bitch" kind of a gal. I loved her to bits and she has been my garden buddy for the past 20 years, she was a house cat but loved laying out and spreading out in the driveway in the days sunlight, and I have always been very careful of her...well by now I am sure you can guess the rest of the story 10:00 the other night I hurriedly ran out of the house and you guessed it I ran over my 20 year old Lucy, I have been absolutely devistated ever since. I had thought 2 days before this happened that she had wandered off and died because she didn't come around in the morning to eat, see morning time at my house is like a theatrical production and she was the leading actress, the cats are always fed first and on top of the refrigerator, that way the dogs could not get to their food, you see I have 4 Saint Bernards as well to round out the group, but believe it or no she was the one that was in charge of them all. My dear dear Lucy I am so sorry..........
Then on Friday I left for work, worked at my job all day even took my time coming home and when I pulled up in the drive there stood my dog Hildy on the back deck barking at me, at first I thought my son must be home from work, I went into the house to find everything as I left it that morning, to my horror I had locked my dog out all day long, I never do that, thank God that it was a nice day because if it would have been hot out...I don't even wan to think about it, my dogs are very spoiled and stay in AC all day they aren't exactly heat liking dogs. I just don't know what my thinker is thinking these days.
I just don't seem to see improvment, still have major grief meltdowns, I am really worried now though after these last 2 incidents.
I just don't know anymore
Then on Friday I left for work, worked at my job all day even took my time coming home and when I pulled up in the drive there stood my dog Hildy on the back deck barking at me, at first I thought my son must be home from work, I went into the house to find everything as I left it that morning, to my horror I had locked my dog out all day long, I never do that, thank God that it was a nice day because if it would have been hot out...I don't even wan to think about it, my dogs are very spoiled and stay in AC all day they aren't exactly heat liking dogs. I just don't know what my thinker is thinking these days.
I just don't seem to see improvment, still have major grief meltdowns, I am really worried now though after these last 2 incidents.
I just don't know anymore
Replies
Sorry you have had such a bad week! I know the accident with Lucy has been quite traumatic. You must forgive yourself. If she was 20, her days were probably numbered; but I realize this is no comfort. I don\'t have animals to care for, so I can only imagine the job it is to take care of 4 dogs. It\'s good that you are working, because this forces you to focus on something besides grief. Don\'t feel to guilty about leaving the dog out - you will be extremely diligent about it now.
I retired in \'98 and in 2001 my husband spent months in the hospital from complications of surgery (many, and major) and 2 heart attacks & 4 bypasses. That\'s when I learned to be a nurse. It took him over a year to somewhat recover from all that and we had a little break before he was diagnosed in 2006 with leukemia. We were just in shock after all he had suffered before that he now had this. I will say that our faith in God gave us the strength and courage to face it - and he was very brave. I realize how blessed we were, because he was 74 when he died; so many at DS lost their loved ones in their 40s & 50s. The 2nd anniv. of his death was 9/2 - and I have been much better emotionally than at this time last year. I could not concentrate enough to read a book for a long time -- thank heaven I can read once more. You are going to be OK; just try to look forward to Sunday being the beginning of a new week - and it is going to be better! To cheer myself up,I think of those less fortunate - and count my blessings (home, car, great neighbors, good children etc.) Wishing you a good night and a good week coming up!
Blessings,
Doye
please stay patent with yourself honey, give yourself all the time you need. you have been through one of my worst fears, i just cant emagine your pain. all i can do is pray for you honey, and let you know someone who cares is here. dont push anything, even your feelings, just let them flow ((hugs))