low self-esteem and despair
Ever heard of that: If you do not help yourself, then no one can help you.
This is the way I am feeling right now. I was thinking why do I need to bear all these frustration, difficulties when in the first place I never asked for.
I strictly do not like the field of study my dad chose for me. For this, I have been cursing them forever, let's not deny it. Even if I try to obey them, well, actually I follow every rule since I do not have any other choices, there is always this feeling of remorse and regret of why cannot I live life as I would have wanted. I know life is short and on top of that you cannot enjoy it. What's the use?
I feel so low and sometimes, truly I cannot believe or trust myself. I feel incapable of doing something by myself. I feel that I will always need someone for help and there is no one to help me. Rarely, miraculously there comes an angel at my rescue but I know each time it will not be the same. Well, on second thought, only once did someone sincerely helped me and that was a help that got me through successfully into this semester's module.
Now, things seem a lot different. People have changed, I have changed,and most importantly situation is no longer the same. I really am at a lost and do not know what to do. Sincerely, with whatever I am studying I do not know what to do in the future and where to go to fulfil my dreams.
My dreams are mine only and will remain forever dreams, it seems. I will not be able to tell anyone who will truly understand where my identity lies and what makes me happy. I feel so unworthy that I will never want anyone to get trapped with me. It feels that the whole world does not want me, does not want me to be happy and for once get a dream of mine right.
Since childhood, whatever I wished for, I truly wanted, I never got it. Maybe it's my good or bad luck, I don't know but one thing I surely know is that God makes everything right. Just have to wait for the right time.
I really do not have any idea to where life is orienting me.
I am wasting my time for sure. I have always done that and I do that well, i must admit.I am really fed of this kind of life. Just get me out of here, please, someone..help.
This is the way I am feeling right now. I was thinking why do I need to bear all these frustration, difficulties when in the first place I never asked for.
I strictly do not like the field of study my dad chose for me. For this, I have been cursing them forever, let's not deny it. Even if I try to obey them, well, actually I follow every rule since I do not have any other choices, there is always this feeling of remorse and regret of why cannot I live life as I would have wanted. I know life is short and on top of that you cannot enjoy it. What's the use?
I feel so low and sometimes, truly I cannot believe or trust myself. I feel incapable of doing something by myself. I feel that I will always need someone for help and there is no one to help me. Rarely, miraculously there comes an angel at my rescue but I know each time it will not be the same. Well, on second thought, only once did someone sincerely helped me and that was a help that got me through successfully into this semester's module.
Now, things seem a lot different. People have changed, I have changed,and most importantly situation is no longer the same. I really am at a lost and do not know what to do. Sincerely, with whatever I am studying I do not know what to do in the future and where to go to fulfil my dreams.
My dreams are mine only and will remain forever dreams, it seems. I will not be able to tell anyone who will truly understand where my identity lies and what makes me happy. I feel so unworthy that I will never want anyone to get trapped with me. It feels that the whole world does not want me, does not want me to be happy and for once get a dream of mine right.
Since childhood, whatever I wished for, I truly wanted, I never got it. Maybe it's my good or bad luck, I don't know but one thing I surely know is that God makes everything right. Just have to wait for the right time.
I really do not have any idea to where life is orienting me.
I am wasting my time for sure. I have always done that and I do that well, i must admit.I am really fed of this kind of life. Just get me out of here, please, someone..help.
Replies
Your field was chosen for you? Can you talk to a counselor at college about this? I think that a counselor may be able to help you sort all this out. YOU matter your dreams matter, your identity is important, your dreams are valuable, you deserve happiness. I hope that you can find someone at the college to help you, go to student services or counseling office and ask around, call a hotline if you can where you live, look in phone book or online or call information. I am 50 and have felt much of what you write here, have felt that I was wasting space and time and was living a wasted life. Please do not give up. Keep searching for solutions, keep hold of your dreams that YOU want, not what you think or let others decide. If you feel that you do not have any choices, a counselor again may help you on that. I resisted counseling for 30 years then brokedown, now I am grateful for having counseling. DONT GIVE UP ON YOU
What is a grief hotline number for college students?
The Grief Recovery Institute Phone: 1-800-445-4808
http://www.hopeline.com/gradhelp.html
Recent studies have shown that the pressures of academic performance, finances, advisor relationships and other factors create intense anxiety for many graduate students, bringing some to a dangerous point of crisis.
That\'s why we\'ve come up with the National Graduate Student Crisis Line -- a toll-free, 24-hour hotline staffed by highly trained phone counselors who understand the unique issues faced by grad students like you.
The crisis line has recently moved to KBHC to allow campuses to promote this valuable service without a faith-based organization attachment.
If you are a grad student in crisis, please call the Crisis Line right away...1-800-GRAD-HLP.
Thank you so much for your concern, bookworm05. It really touches the heart to have someone care for you. The university which I go does not have any counselling facilities. Moreover, I do not live in America as you may have presume, so I guess these lines are not applicable to me. The only help I get is from you people out there.
And yeah, I am in deep crisis right now as personally my life has come to a point where my future depends upon, even though not chosen by me, but still, I need to prove myself. I just cannot lag behind. That is just not me but what to do if really you are not capable to be/to do what you have to do. I make efforts but those efforts are not valuable enough. I make more efforts till the point that I cannot figure out what is wrong, whether there is something wrong with me, with my studies or my life. It seems that the much effort I make there is no reward to it. There is nothing I can do to support myself. I seek help from friends. How much can they help me if myself am finding difficulties in understanding the basic things. My project partner will be fed up of me. I make efforts which does not pay. This is all that is happening to me.
Thank you so much for your reply.