Low's before highs
In my head, I try to reason it out. I must be suffering for a reason? There must be purpose to the crap happening to me? I'm probably being over dramatic. It's a skill I seem to of acquired.
Monday was fine. Nice day, did a long dog walk. Met a friend for lunch all good. Tuesday I was so ill I passed out. It was horrible and the first time I've been ill since surgery. My body got all messed up and still isn't fully playing ball with me. I feel sick, sometimes I'm in pain. Tried to call the nurse at one point. It seems there is only one bariatric nurse in the ULCH, and she was on holiday. That was Friday and I did feel better but I still wanted to talk about it. No such luck. Today is better still. But Tuesday I felt like absolute shite. Unable to eat, fevered and everything. It's such a surprise, pre-op I was 'famed' for my ability to overcome anything. If I got sick I'd sleep for a few hours and normally wake up better. My meds went out the window along with my recall. Now I'm not sure what I've taken or when. It's all a bit of a mess.
Sigh. I'm still not right, or eating properly. Now it's the weekend there's no point trying to reach anyone. Sometimes the NHS does feel lacking. I know they are amazing but once in a while I still feel let down.
On a better note, my mum took me shopping and paid for all the new smaller clothes I needed. Made me happy. Now I have trousers that'll stay in one place. My mind is still in a positive gear, it's been stuck there since surgery. So my conclusion from this week is that, I suffered so I could loose more weight and put me back on track to the amount I'm suppose to be losing.
Plus all my time in bed has allowed me to write out a load of recipe ideas, though they still need some juggling, to balance out proteins and the like. Being a veggie is not easy. I still debate eating fish sometimes, line caught of course, but I can't justify it to myself. Plus I don't like tuna, more smoked salmon and as a student I'm in no position to buy anything so nice. Damn £9000 fees. Oh well, at least I haven't gained any weight and I have food in my cupboards. I am thankful.
See? Lesson learned. I am grateful for all I have, my week of hell was a reminder of that.
Monday was fine. Nice day, did a long dog walk. Met a friend for lunch all good. Tuesday I was so ill I passed out. It was horrible and the first time I've been ill since surgery. My body got all messed up and still isn't fully playing ball with me. I feel sick, sometimes I'm in pain. Tried to call the nurse at one point. It seems there is only one bariatric nurse in the ULCH, and she was on holiday. That was Friday and I did feel better but I still wanted to talk about it. No such luck. Today is better still. But Tuesday I felt like absolute shite. Unable to eat, fevered and everything. It's such a surprise, pre-op I was 'famed' for my ability to overcome anything. If I got sick I'd sleep for a few hours and normally wake up better. My meds went out the window along with my recall. Now I'm not sure what I've taken or when. It's all a bit of a mess.
Sigh. I'm still not right, or eating properly. Now it's the weekend there's no point trying to reach anyone. Sometimes the NHS does feel lacking. I know they are amazing but once in a while I still feel let down.
On a better note, my mum took me shopping and paid for all the new smaller clothes I needed. Made me happy. Now I have trousers that'll stay in one place. My mind is still in a positive gear, it's been stuck there since surgery. So my conclusion from this week is that, I suffered so I could loose more weight and put me back on track to the amount I'm suppose to be losing.
Plus all my time in bed has allowed me to write out a load of recipe ideas, though they still need some juggling, to balance out proteins and the like. Being a veggie is not easy. I still debate eating fish sometimes, line caught of course, but I can't justify it to myself. Plus I don't like tuna, more smoked salmon and as a student I'm in no position to buy anything so nice. Damn £9000 fees. Oh well, at least I haven't gained any weight and I have food in my cupboards. I am thankful.
See? Lesson learned. I am grateful for all I have, my week of hell was a reminder of that.
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