Low Point
I am struggling with alot of depression and feeling sick right now. Too many pressures finished me off and I had to cancel things. On a good day I called 2 agencies for shopping help. Also I've arranged for a power wheelchair, with an O.T. And the vendor. An aggressive neighbour complained that I was parking it at my car in the condo garage and I think I was re-traumatized about alot of things. She is on the condo board.
Cannot even handle the paper work or instructions for the agencies. I have a car and will pay for a trained assistant, in Canada called P.S.W. (personal support worker) to go,shopping with me in the agency van. I have a car, but for insurance reasons they cannot use mine. All this because I break down crying when shopping!! My life feels so reduced!!
Anyway, depression is worse for me before 1:00 pm and I havE asked a friend to go out for tea with me, so will try to get ready. Thx to all the precious DS friends!! As soon as I can I will try to read journals and send hugs. It means the world to me that you understand! Sometimes I feel like I have lost the ability to do anything.
Cannot even handle the paper work or instructions for the agencies. I have a car and will pay for a trained assistant, in Canada called P.S.W. (personal support worker) to go,shopping with me in the agency van. I have a car, but for insurance reasons they cannot use mine. All this because I break down crying when shopping!! My life feels so reduced!!
Anyway, depression is worse for me before 1:00 pm and I havE asked a friend to go out for tea with me, so will try to get ready. Thx to all the precious DS friends!! As soon as I can I will try to read journals and send hugs. It means the world to me that you understand! Sometimes I feel like I have lost the ability to do anything.
Replies
Pouty, I am sorry to read that you are at such a low point right now. You\'ve had a lot on your plate these last few months and it sounds like you need a break from it all. Sometimes it takes all we have to put one foot in front of the other. I\'m glad you are able to get some meaningful assistance with practical matters. I can totally understand your difficulty with paperwork - it really is one of my biggest areas of struggle as well - very overwhelming. Praying you got out with your friend for tea.
Hi Pouty. So very sorry you\'re feeling so down. Please remember to be kind and patient with yourself. The challenges we face everyday are huge! A Dr of mine once shared with me that they did a study on people who had short term illnesses and found that most developed depression in the first week. The fact that we get find the strength to wake up and face this everyday for years is amazing! I\'ll never stop saying that if people knew what we really go through daily, they\'d call us superheroes and insist we wear a cape.
The paperwork is always a big struggle for me too. Whether at the Dr or if sent to my home. I\'m sorry you have to deal with that to get help. I\'m glad that help is available to you there though!
And when I was able to get out, I had many breakdowns while shopping. For so many reasons.
Going to stop and send you lots of healing light, love and strength my friend. You\'re not alone. We\'re here for you. Supportive hugs...
You guys have made my day, thx!
You have gentle and wise friends here, Pouty! Truly, if people really knew what we go through in a day, just to get dressed and washed, and tie our sneakers, they\'d go run and jump off a building. It is SO hard to keep the depression monster away when we\'re feeling useless. I swear, somedays I take a ride with my husband just so I can get out of the car, and drop the mail in the mail box. I just want to DO something like I used to do. Ridiculous to think of dropping mail in the box as the high point of my day, but it does get that bad, doesn\'t it?
We\'re all in this together, and we understand completely. It\'s ok...those bad days come and go, but we keep on keepin on. We\'re here to help each other along. What a blessing, eh??
So sorry pouty, and I sure do know how you feel.The smallest things can be so difficult, we just need energy. Yesterday I went to my market shop and struggled all day, even though I was sitting most of the time.Tourists kept saying hello and asking me how I was, and I kept saying \"Oh really good thank you\"I ended up having a meltdown as I was so weak and shaky, and hid in the change room and cried .Eventually came out and went back to my chair, hiding behind my sunglasses.Today I am flat on my back, again . It\'s so trying isn\'t it pouty, the fact that we have to keep putting up with continued suffering.So often it just seems to be too much to bare.I know I am too ill to work, but cannot survive financially.Hang in there pouty, it\'s all we can do, and take shelter from each other.
Pouty, you are in my thoughts & prayers. I know how you are feeling, when my depression gets me down sometimes I don\'t even know it. Misty told me the other day that I was sure down & I said \"no I\'m not, I am crashing & feel bad\" then I realized she was right, I was depressed. It can come on so slowly that I don\'t notice. It is hard sometimes to deal with this illness & be in bed for hours at a time. To need to go out & do things will really depress me because I am too tired & just don\'t want to have to deal with it. When I postpone or cancel something I will feel so much better, sad isn\'t it?
Keep coming back to read & post because we can help each other. Somehow it helps to read what others are going through & to understand that they go through the same things I do. Before I found DS I felt alone with this illness & thought maybe it was all in my head.
Hope you are feeling better my friend, gentle hugs, Denise